Freedom
by jules456
Summary: RM, the stage is now set for them! Slight AU Marissa is running to a past that left her behind, Ryan to an uncertain future. Secrets from the past are revealed... It's all about to hit the fan READ, REVIEW, AND REQUEST!
1. Take your eyes off me

Hey! I am really excited about this story! Totally a new idea for me. PLEASE PLEASE! Read, Review, and Request!!!!

XOXO Jules

Freedom

Prologue: "Take your eyes off me"

Ryan Atwood looked out of the window of his sixth period class. Sweat made trails down his face. It went unnoticed by him. They were all used to it now. Back in his freshman year the air conditioning had broken and gone unfixed ever since. He watched as the teacher sat in front of the class asleep, with the head on the desk. They didn't even bother to throw spit balls at his head anymore. The novelty of that had long worn off.

Days like this, that never seemed to end were worse in Chino. Days like this reminded you of the harsh reality that you were never going to get out of Chino. It reminded you that your life isn't, and will never be more than a father that left your mother for the woman two trailers down. Or whoever knocked you around as a kid... the good for nothing older brothers that ended up in jail and left their girls barefoot with babies on their hips.

Ryan walked out of the school at the end of the day. Feet dragging behind him. It was refreshing to be out of the old moldy building. It was even cooler outside than it was in the school thanks to the breeze.

"ESE!" He heard his best friend Juan Miguel greet him.

"Hey man." Ryan said giving him a masculine hug.

Juan Miguel and him had been like brothers since they both came to school one day in second grade with identical bruises on their eyes. As it turned out that their dad's were drinking buddies.

"So I was thinking man. In two weeks we're going to be out of North Chino for the summer right?" Juan Miguel said.

North Chino was the name of their high school. There was also South Chino, the rival high school.

"Yeah." Ryan said not understanding his point

"Here's what I figure. We get two more jobs each this Summer and keep one of them next year durin' school so by the time that we are out of our Senior year we'll have enough money to get our own place." Juan Miguel said. He was a little guy without much going for him, but he had more blind ambition in one person than you could find in all Chino put together.

"I've already got two Jobs man." Ryan said slinging his backpack over one shoulder. He didn't know why he carried it with him to school anyway. It's not like they had any books to carry with them.

"I am late. Imma meet up with Juanita." Juanita was one of Juan Miguels 11 siblings. Ryan could barely even keep track of them all.

Juan Miguels mother was practically Ryans mother. Ryan was always there. He was like another son to the family he had a present under the tree every year at Christmas, and a seat reserved for him at the table. He had actually dated Juan Miguels sister Teresa off and on since they were in sixth grade. Teresa was in seventh grade at the time.

"Alright man, I have to go to work anyway." Ryan said. And with that he and Juan Miguel headed in different directions.

In order for Ryan to get to work he had to cross the train tracks down into South Chino. People always talked about the kid from the wrong side of the tracks, but in Chinos case neither side was better then the other. They were both equally hopeless. North Chino had more robberies, South Chino had more arsons, North Chino had more random beatings, South Chino had more random rapes. They both were equal though where domestic abuse, and murder were concerned.

Ryan noticed a tall girl in the distance balancing on the edge of the track. Arms spread trying to steady herself like a young child.

Ryan walked closer to the girl, he really had no choice, him having to cross the train tracks and all. When the girl spun around to head in the other direction her blue-green eyes locked with Ryans.

The girl did not smile as she studied Ryans face. Something about the tall dirty blonde haired girl was hard, reserved. Her jaw was set firm and rounded as though it was locked with a certain harshness that would warn people off. But her eyes, her huge eyes betrayed the rest of her hard reserved features.

Both of them stared at each other a long while, neither daring to say anything. But then the girl broke the silence.

"Don't think it's very safe for you to be crossing over onto this side." She warned hopping off of the track, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it, taking a couple puffs before she again acknowledged Ryan presence.

"'s not much different on either side." Ryan pointed out to the girl smiling. The girl still stared at him expressionless, although in her eyes you could tell that something had peeked her curiosity.

She sat on the end of the track. Something drew Ryan to the girl. His shy reserved side suddenly melted away and he took a seat next to her. Now he got a closer look at the girl. Her wrists were coated thickly with cigarette burns, there were red marks over hicky's on her neck.

"Get into a fight?" Ryan asked nodding towards the marks on her neck.

"What's it to you?" Marissa asked offering Ryan a puff of her cigarette.

Ryan took the offer and then handed it back to her.

"So what really brings you over here?" The girl asked

"Work." Ryan said simply

"You expect me to believe that you're not coming over here to see your girl who you knocked up, or your dad in the jail or something." She said raising a skeptical eyebrow.

"Yeah actually I do." Ryan said smiling. The Girls eyes began to soften, and a small smile began to play on he lips not daring to show itself "Ryan Atwood." He said holding his hand out to the girl.

"Marissa." She said holding out her hand.

"Got a last name?" Ryan asked

"De los Santos." She said simply looking away from Ryan.

"You don't look in the least bit Hispanic to me." Ryan said looking her up and down. She did though have a slight Spanish accent which seemed more acquired then natural.

"'Cause I'm not." Marissa said

"But you said your last name was-"

"I did." Marissa said shooting an are you done already glare.

Ryan shrugged it off.

"I guess it's good you aren't in North Chino right now anyway."

"Why is that?" Ryan asked

"Nothin'. Maybe it' s all talk. I overheard my brother Raul talking about some drive-by that's supposed to happen up there tonight is all." Marissa said evenly.

"TONIGHT!" Ryan said standing up. He began running in the other direction.

"Ryan don't! It's not safe!" Marissa yelled after him as he ran in the other direction.

She groaned. He didn't listen to her and continued heading in the other direction quickening his pace with each pace. Marissa turned and headed home.

Ryan ran and knocked on Juan Miguels door.

"Ese!" He greeted his friend. "What up man?"

"There's supposed to be a drive-by tonight." Ryan told him.

"Nah man, I took care of them South Chino bitches with Ricardo last week. Luis and his dogs are gone!" Juan said

"Man I told you you had to stop all that shit man! It's just going to get you in trouble." Ryan said pushing his best friend, trying to talk some sense into his best friend.

"It ain't gonna get me in trouble. It's gonna keep me alive ese. It's gonna get us out of here." Juan Miguel said meeting Ryans eyes as gun fire began to rage outside.

A bullet flew through the window hitting Juan in the chest. He felt back onto the ground. Blood seeped through his wound.

"JUAN!" Ryan said running to the boy now lying on the ground, blood bubbling out of his chest.

Ryan pressed hard on Juan's chest… but it was no use. His eyes fluttered shut.

"FUCK!" Ryan yelled pulling a pistol out of his pocket. He shot at the car over and over again. There were still bullets flying everywhere. Ryan blew out one of the cars tires and then it skidded to a stop.

He breathed in heavily ignoring the blood seeping down his arm. He didn't know if the blood belong to Juan Miguel or himself… he was too afraid to check as he slid through the ground.

Marissa walked into her trailer avoiding the mob of barefoot children that played outside. She had lived there ever since she was put into foster care by her father and mother when she was around two years of age. She had always been told that they were too young to take care of her. She knew nothing about them… but sometimes she could remember a blonde woman rocking her to sleep, singing her the same lullaby… But anyway she tried not to remember the good times cause they came few and far apart.

"Chica!" Her brother said coming up to her when she opened the door.

"Hola Raul." She said.

She and Raul were close. They had been in this foster home the longest together. They lived with an old woman that all of the children called Abuela. Marissa loved her dearly. But she did have her biological son, Luis, who was a bad seed. He stole money or beat the kids whenever he came around. Hence the red marks and bruises all over her body. He always took a special interest to her in more than one way.

"'Rissa, snap out of it." Raul said waving his hand over her face.

"Lo siento ese." She said smiling

A mixture of Spanish, English, and s mixture of slang of the both was spoken between everyone in the house.

"Where's Luis?" She asked

"Probably shooting up some blonde kid in North Chino like he said he was going to."

A chill ran down Marissas spine. What if it was Ryan?

"We have to get to North Chino!" She said rushing out of the small trailer, followed by Raul.

"You ain't got no business in North Chino." Raul said grabbing her frail arm.

"YEAH I DO!" Marissa said. "Vamos." She yelled

"Alright." Raul said chasing up the hill and over the trail tracks that separated North and South Chino.

After a lot of questioning they found Ryan's friend Juan Miguel's house where he was said to be, just in time to see Ryan get shot in the arm.

"RYAN!" Marissa said running to him. "Come on! You have to help me get him back to the house!" Marissa said

"What? Are you crazy?" Raul said

"Come on! If it weren't for me he would be at work right now! He will be arrested if he doesn't come with us."

"FINE!" Raul said giving into his sister, and helping her carry him back to the trailer.

Summer, Seth, and other Newporters will come into this story soon! Promise. And you will find out who Marissas parents really are!!


	2. There's nothing here to see

**HEY! New chapter! READ, REVIEW, AND REQUEST!**

XOXO Jules

Chapter 1: "There's nothing here to see"

Ryan laid in Rauls bed in the boys bedroom. There were 7 boys that slept in the room. There were two sets of bunk beds against a wall, and then a cot against another that they all scrunched in every night. Ryans presence hardly went noticed among the kids who were too busy fighting and gnawing at each other.

Abuela had a bad allergic reaction to a medicine that the doctors had given her. She had been in bed for over and week and showed no signs of getting better.

"So what is up with this North Chino kid?" Raul asked as he and Marissa sat on the couch folding the laundry.

"Por que?" Marissa asked

"Because he is in my bed right now. And cause I ain't jus' gonna let some guy 'round my baby sister is all." He said.

"I met him today at the train tracks…" Marissa said

"And you just brought him home. Are you crazy?" Raul practically yelled

"I practically sent him into gun fire Raul. If it were you I would'a wanted someone to do the same." She reasoned angrily.

There was low deep groaning sound that came from the boys room.

"That's Ryan. I'll go check on him." Marissa said

"Be careful." Raul said. Marissa just rolled her eyes at her overprotective brother.

Marissa crept into the room to find Ryan struggling with the sheets.

"Hush." Marissa said startling Ryan.

Ryan looked at the girl who had just entered… Marissa, from earlier at the train tracks. The moonlight made her face glow through the single window of the trailer.

"Don't move." Marissa said checking the bandage on her arm.

Ryan tried not to look at the wound. Marissa watched him turn away.

"Pussy." She said

"I have a weak stomach." He said groaning.

"The bullet didn't go in. It just grazed your skin." Marissa said rolling her eyes and pressing firmly against his wound.

"FUCK!" Ryan practically yelled. "What the hell was that for?" Ryan asked

"Shits and giggles." Marissa said smiling. "Now be quiet, the boys are sleeping." Marissa warned him.

Ryan looked around. He was surrounded by children hanging off of bunk beds.

"Where am I?" Ryan asked looking at the sleeping children.

"My house." Marissa said looking anywhere but at him.

"How many siblings do you have?" Ryan asked her

She shrugged

"We've got kids coming in and out all of the time. Raul and I have been here the longest."

"So is this like a foster home?" Ryan asked

Marissa shrugged again.

"To me it's home. I've been here since I was two, so I guess, what's it been, 14 years." She said almost in disbelief herself.

"Do you know anything about your biological parents?" Ryan asked rather bluntly.

Marissa took a deep breath.

"Not much besides they are in Newport beach. Or at least they were when I was born."

"Ever think about finding them?" Ryan asked

"What's the point? Chino's all I got. It's what I am."

"You're better than this place Marissa."

"Oh the lies that we tell ourselves to feel better." She said getting up and leaving. "Go to bed. It's late." She said spinning on her heels and leaving.

The next morning Ryan woke up to find children standing over his bed. Boys, girls, white, black, hispanic, every kind of child that you could imagine.

"Who are you?" A boy asked Ryan.

"I am Ryan." He said sitting up, his eyes darting around looking for Marissa. But then a tall muscular Hispanic guy, about their age came in.

"Breakfast is on the table. Leave him alone."

Ryan looked up at him. He was very apprehensive.

"I am Raul, Marissa's brother. You want breakfast follow the kids to the kitchen."

Ryan nodded.

"Thanks for putting me up last night man." Ryan said

"Yeah." Raul said walking out.

Marissa opened the door to Abuelas room.

"Abuela?" She said knocking lightly on the door and then opening it

"Hola hija." She said as Marissa gave her a kiss on the cheek."

"How are you feeling?" Marissa asked

"Asi asi." (ok) She said

Marissa didn't like the way that she looked. She couldn't keep anything down, the color was flushed out of her face.

"Did you take your medicine?" Marissa asked sitting beside her on the bed.

"We have no more." Abuela informed her.

"Well than I can go pick up-" Marissa said beginning to stand when Abuela grabbed her hand to stop her.

"I have no money to pay hija." She said her eyes clouded by sadness.

"WELL THEY CAN'T NOT GIVE YOU MEDICINE!" Marissa said

"Be calm hija." Abuela warned her.

"I'll get you medicine if it is the last thing hat I do." Marissa said standing fully

"Keep your head on hija!" Abuela warned her

"Lo siento." Marissa said leaving the room.

"Te amo hija." Abuela said

"Te amo." Marissa said leaving

Abuela knew when Marissa left that she was up to something.

Marissa walked into the living room to find children spread around the floor eating as usual, and Raul and Ryan at the table. Before she said anything Rodrigo came in.

"Hola chica." He said coming up to her giving her a kiss.

"Hola." Marissa said as he whispered in her ear causing her to giggle. "Lo siento (I'm sorry) Ryan. This is Rodrigo."

"Hey." Ryan said from the table.

"He'." He said waving to Ryan. Continuing to whisper something in Marissa's ear.

"We'll be right back." Marissa said leading Rodrigo outside of the trailer.

"Que (what) ?" Rodrigo asked concerned that Marissa was acting strange.

"Abuela is really sick." Marissa said wrapping her arms around her thin frame.

"Is she going to be okay?"

"I have to get money somehow to pay for medicine for her." Marissa said looking up into her boyfriends eyes.

"What can I do? I can help you." Rodrigo said putting his arms around her waist pulling her close. He was going to say something about her recent weight loss but he would have to save it for later.

"I am going to Newport." Marissa said. "I have to find my biological parents. Chances are if tey live there they will have something to give me." Marissa reasoned although she was unsure.

"I don't think that's good idea. I don't want you getting hurt." Rodrigo said.

"I love Abuela more than life itself and I will do anything to help her."

"Alright. Vamos." He said heading to his truck.

"Wait. Raul, I want Raul to come too." She said running back into the house. "Raul vamos!" She said

"Where?" He asked

"Newport beach. I'm finding my family." Marissa said.

"Coming North Chino?" Raul asked

Ryan shrugged. Juan Miguel was gone. What did he have to stay for.

"I'm in." Marissa and Raul tossed some clothes in plastic bags and told Javier, the oldest other than them he was in charge while they were away.

Marissa grabbed one last thing before they left, it was a picture that she kept in her top drawer. It was of a blonde woman holding what appeared to be a young Marissa. She had had it since she came. The back of the picture said "KC, and MC." That was the only clue that she had.

Next Chapter… NEWPORT!!!!!!!!!!!


	3. Just trying to keep my head together

**Hey. Shorter chapters then the other ones. Yes, I will help with the Spanish. Hehe. There is hardly any in this chapter. I hope you like it. It was kind of a muse after Kirsten talked about having an abortion. What if she hadn't? This chapter is shorter than the others but I think u will like it. READ, REVIEW, AND REQUEST!**

XOXO Jules

Chapter 2: "Just trying to keep my head together"

Rodrigo, Raul, Marissa, and Ryan were only an hour away from Chino and the still did not have a plan.

"You can't just walk into some womans house and say I'm your daughter, can I have some money for my foster mother." Raul said as he steered the truck down the road. 

"We have who this woman is first." Marissa said.

"How do you plan to do that?" Ryan asked much to everyones surprise. He had not said anything the entire car ride.

"I donno." Marissa asked gnawing on a piece of her fingernail. "I mean, I guess we could just ask around."

They all stared as they drove past the sing that said "Welcome to Newport." Someone had tagged the word bitch under it.

"Welcome to Newport bitch." Rodrigo read.

"How welcoming." Ryan said, the group of teens laughed.

A half hour later they stopped at a pier where a lot of kids their age were swimming in designer bathing suits, or lying in the sun like they didn't have tanning beds in their houses. They climbed out of the old pick up truck moist with sweat. The air conditioning in the car had broken down.

"Let's go." Rodrigo said grabbing Marissas hand. They ran and jumped into the Pacific together as Ryan and Raul followed behind. They more than Marissa and Rodrigo were aware of their surroundings.

"Man, you'd think they'd never seen a Mexican before." Raul said

"Probably in their kitchens." Ryan said seriously earning a warning look from Raul 

A blonde girl walked past them with her nose up.

"Ugh, I guess border patrol was asleep on the job!" She said looking at Rodrigo. Her friends all chuckled at her immature comment.

"I will not hit a girl, I will not hit a girl" Raul said holding his fists at his sides.

Ryan laughed.

"Come on man." He said heading down to the tip of the beach where the water met the sand. "DAMNIT!" Ryan yelled when he got hit in the head by a big round plate, which he turned around to discover was a Frisbee.

"I am so sorry man!" A curly haired boy said running over to him. "SUMMER I TOLD YOU, AIM!" He yelled across the beach to a girl blocking the sun with her hand standing on her tip-toes to see where the Frisbee had gone.

"It's alright." Ryan said rubbing his head as Marissa and Rodrigo ran over to them.

"Are you sure?" They boy continued "'cause you have a really nasty bump on your head."

"Yeah, I'm fine."

The girl that threw the Frisbee came over to the group.

"Cohen!" She said yanking his arm.

"WAIT!" Marissa said before they left. "I'm looking for someone." She continued. "I'm Marissa De los Santos." She introduced herself, "That is Rodrigo Sanchez, Raul de los Santos, and … Ryan." Sher realized then that she didn't know his last name.

"I'm Seth Cohen." He said holding out his hand, "and that is Summer Roberts."

"Hi." The girl named Summer said looking Marissa in the eye and then quickly looking around.

"You said you were looking for someone?" Seth reminded her.

"Yeah." Marissa said. "But um, I don't know her name." She said fishing around her back pack for the picture. "But I have this." She said pulling out a picture, brushing sand off of it before she handed it to Seth.

Seth took the picture. It was of a woman, late teens looking, holding a little girl. It appeared that they were in the hospital. The little girl was wearing a hospital gown smiling on the womans lap as she kissed her neck… Now that Seth looked at the picture it looked really familiar. The woman in the picture was his mother. Shocked he dropped the picture in the sand.

"What?" Marissa asked picking up the only link to her past from the sand before it blew away.

"I know her." Seth said.

"Really?" Marissa said trying to pretend that she was not too happy. "Who is she?" Marissa asked

"My mother." Seth said meeting Marissa in the eye. At the same time their hearts skipped a beat…

"Marissa maybe we should-" Rodrigo said grabbing her arm

"No!" She insisted. "I have to do this. For Abuela."

Rodrigo released hold of her arm

"Are you the girl in the picture?" Seth asked.

Marissa nodded.

"And the girl is my mother." She said flipping over the picture that was initialed KC and MC.

Seth put his hand over his mouth.

"I really need to talk to her. Someone in my family is in trouble and I need help."

This was worse than any dilemma Seth could have imagined ever facing. Was this girl really his sister? Did his mother keep a huge secret from him his entire life?

"You got a car?" Seth asked

"Yeah." Raul said stepping up. Rodrigo and Ryan watched from the background, along with the Summer girl.

"I've got a skate board. Give me a lift and I'll show you where to go." Seth said with his head down, he was digging his foot in the sand.

The ride to the house was quiet. Only Seth who was giving directions to Raul, who was driving spoke. Summer sat next to Seth, Rodrigo sat in the back seat rubbing Marissas back in the back seat with Ryan.

Marissa gasps when they pulled up to the house. All of the trailers in her neighborhood put together were not as big as the mansion on the hill that sat in front of her.

"This is it." Seth said, solely he and Marissa got out of the truck. "We'll be back." Seth said.

It was an awkward walk to the front door. Seth rang the bell.

"You ring your own doorbell?" Marissa asked raising an eyebrow

"It's formal." Seth said smiling uncomfortably, still unsure whether he was doing the right thing...

Marissa just nodded as a blonde woman opened up the front door. Her blue eyes sparkled, as she gave Marissa a warm smile.

"Seth and company." She said smiling. Her mood changed when she saw the look on her son's face. "What's going on."

"This is Marissa mom." Seth said walking past her hands on his head. "Your daughter."

Marissa and Kirstens eyes locked, Kirstens jaw was slightly opened.

"I am Marissa De los Santos." Marissa said holding her hand out to Kirsten.

"It can't be…" Kirsten said tears slipping down her face.

Cliffhanger, I know. I will update soon. You guys just all REVIEW


	4. And as we make our vow

Chapter 3: "And as we make our vow"

Marissa stared into the face of the woman that she had longed to know her entire life. She was beautiful, aged since her photo but still beautiful.

"I didn't think that you were alive…" Kirsten said wiping her eyes as Marissa raised an eyebrow unsure of how to take her supposed death. "Come in please!" Kirsten said putting on a nervous smile and ushering the girl inside.

Rodrigo, Raul, Ryan and Summer, who were still in the car, exchanged glances as they watched Marissa enter the mansion and the huge door close behind her.

Marissa glanced around the living room when she entered. It was the size of her entire house back in Chino.

"Have a seat." Kirsten said patting the couch cushion next to her. Marissa sat but as far away from the woman as possible.

"I… I guess you're wondering why I'm here." Marissa began.

"It doesn't matter." Kirsten said. "I'm just trying to understand. My baby died." Kirsten said with her hand on her forehead.

Marissa wasn't sure how to take that news. She pulled the picture out of her pocket and handed it to Kirsten.

"This is me." She said handing a picture of the two of them taken long ago…

Kirsten studied the picture.

"This can't be. My baby died!" She insisted wiping her eyes

She looked Marissa up and down. The girl sat with her bruised scraped arms wrapped around her thin frail frame. She had deep set eyes, sullen looking… just like Kirsten's.

"Oh my god." Kirsten said placing her hands over her mouth. "You're my daughter." Kirsten began crying as she pulled Marissa into a tight hug. Marissa sat stiffly. She was not used to being hugged, even by Abuela. She looked Marissa in the eyes who in turn looked away. "You're beautiful honey."

Marissa felt her face flush.

"I don't understand. You thought that I was dead?" Marissa asked

Kirsten nodded trying to sort out her thoughts.

"I was sixteen when I got pregnant with you… seventeen when you were born. You were born at six months, 24 weeks… Oh god I remember, you were the size of my hand. The doctor held you in his palm." Kirsten began to sob again.

Marissa was unsure how to react to this emotional woman.

"I hid my pregnancy from my father. If he found out earlier… well you would not be sitting here in front of me. I named you Marissa Jade, Jade was my best friend at the time. I loved you more than I ever thought possible…I was so scared the first time that I touched you… put my hand through the incubator. I thought that I would break you. You weighed three pounds two ounces, you were beautiful."

Marissas face remained hard as she listened to her mother speak. She felt her eyes fill to the brim with tears.

"My dad found out about you because he had to release me from the hospital, I was a minor then. He had no idea I was pregnant. None of my friends knew about you, the pregnancy even, and I intended to keep it that way. People here are very judgmental." Kirsten explained. "My father allowed me to visit you once or twice a week. It depended on how my tennis lesson went… You were a very sick baby." She said "I never thought that you were going to survive." She added as an after thought You were a month and a half old when I met Sandy, my husband, Seth's father. We were both seventeen and stupid. I got pregnant with Seth and had him when I was nineteen… you were still in the hospital. You have to understand that we never thought that you would live, that is why when people found out that I was pregnant with Seth I didn't tell them that I had another child as well. Including Sandy." Kirsten spoke in a distant tone.

"So you're husband doesn't know that you had me?" Marissa asked

Kirsten shook her head no.

"I visited you regularly until Seth was born. But I can tell you that I regret to this day every moment that I was not by your side. I was not ashamed of you, I loved you and Seth more than life itself, it is just my father put an unbearable amount of pressure on me. I fought to be able to keep Seth, my father wanted me to give him up for adoption, but Sandy wasn't having that, neither was I. As far as my father was concerned I screwed up once and was not about to ruin the family name by doing it again. After Seth was born I admit I didn't visit as much… but when I did it seemed to me that you were feeling better. That picture you have was taken when you were one and a half. That was the last time that I saw you. The next thing I heard was two days later… my father called me, he told me that he had called the hospital and you had passed away. We held a funeral for you, my father and I. And then that was it…"

Marissa's tears spilled.

"How! How did someone tell you that I was dead? All of these years! There is something completely wrong with that." Marissa ranted. "What about my father?" Marissa asked "He know about me?"

"Your father…" Kirsten said thinking back to those teenage years. The hardest years of her life. "He and I were childhood sweethearts. I loved him very much. He is amazing. I never deserved him. My father refused to let us see one another after I got pregnant. He went to see you every day Marissa. He loved you more than life itself. He rushed me to the hospital, held my hair back when I had to … yanno." Kirsten explained. "The one day… that one day that he was not at the hospital with you, you passed away… or theoretically at least." Kirsten said with a smirk.

Marissa smirked as well.

"You look like him." Kirsten said.

"My father?" Marissa asked smiling. All of her life she had always wanted to know that she belonged to a family. To be looked at and told 'you have your mother's eyes, or your fathers chin.' "What is his name?"

"James… well Jimmy actually, Jimmy Cooper." Kirsten said smiling

"Marissa Jade Cooper…" She said saying the name aloud but feeling no ownership of it. "Marissa Matea De los Santos." She said quietly. That was her name, the name that she claimed. The one Abuela gave to her.

"How was your life?" Kirsten asked placing her hands on Marissas.

Marissa was taken by surprise at this question. Should she lie? Tell her she grew up with a nice family on the east coast with a puppy and white picket fence?

"I was placed in a foster home in Chino when I was two." Marissa said crossing her legs on the couch. She was wearing no shoes, she had kept her flip-flops in the car. Her jeans were worn. Now kids bought their jeans to looked rugged and torn, but Marissa had gotten the look the natural way. She wore a blue ribbed tank top. A cross necklace hung loosely around her neck, surrounded by her hair that hung loosely on her head.

"CHINO?" Kirsten said, slightly angered that her daughter had to grow up in such conditions.

"Yep. Chino." Marissa said looking around

"Did your family treat you well." Kirsten asked

Marissa shrugged.

"My foster mother is amazing." She confessed, "I love her. All in all they gave me what they had."

Kirsten nodded.

"I have to get down to how this mix up happened. I need to talk to my father."

"Go right ahead." Marissa said wanting to know the truth as much as Kirsten. She claimed to have come here for money to the guys… but maybe, just maybe it was about something else as well. Maybe it was about finding out who she really is.

"I will later. For now I want to get to know you." She said smiling. "How long are you going to be here?"

"I don't know. My friends and I drove up. I was trying to find you."

"Why? Is everything okay?" Kirsten asked

"Yeah, it was nothing." Marissa assured her, feeling guilty for not telling her about Abuelas condition.

"Where are your friends?"

"In the car." She responded simply.

"They must be burning up in this heat. Tell them to come in!" Kirsten insisted

"You sure?" Marissa asked raising her eye brow.

"Of course." Kirsten said wondering why Marissa was skeptical about introducing her to her friends.

Marissa nodded and went outside to the car and retrieved the boys, and Summer who was surprisingly still there. She had fallen asleep.

Kirsten watched as Marissa re-entered with Summer and three rough looking boys.

"Ms. Cohen, this is Raul, Rodrigo, and Ryan." She said introducing the boys that stood behind her.

Rodrigo, who was holding Marissas hand, was the tallest by far of the group. He wore long tan shorts and a black wife-beater. Raul stood on the other side of Ryan, taller than him, but shorter that Rodrigo. His hair was gelled, and he wore a big white t-shirt and jean shorts. Next was the Ryan kid. He had deep blue eyes, his blonde hair was a mess on his head. He wore a white wife-beater, and long blue jeans with a gray jacket over it all. Kirsten wondered how he didn't have heat stroke.

"Hi boys. And Marissa, you can call me Kirsten." She said smiling warmly.

** Hey. I know that chapter was a little "what?" with Marissas supposed death and all, but it will be explained. I really want some reviews for this to let me know what you think, I don't beg... ALRIGHT, maybe I do... a little**

****

** xoxo Jules**


	5. Let us remember how

** Basically a short filler chapter, but I needed it to set the stage for thew Ryan/Marissa stuff. Read and Review!**

** xoxo Jules**

Chapter 4: "Let us remember how"

Right after the introduction Marissa, Ryan and Raul went out in the pool house.

"Nice." Ryan said as he looked around.

"How is your arm doing by the way?" Marissa asked him

"Alright." He said shrugging

"I can check it if you wa-"

"NO!" Ryan cut her off.

"You are such a baby!" Marissa said laughing.

Rodrigo was leaned over in a corner.

"What are you doing?" Marissa asked him.

Rodrigo turned to her and held up a joint.

"Rigo, don't tell me that you're serious! Come on, don't do that shit here!" Marissa said snatching the joint out of his hand.

"Por que? (why)" He asked snatching the joint back and pulling out a lighter.

"I cannot believe you sometimes. No puedo mas (I can't take it any more) !" Marissa yelled.

"Fine then, I'll go do it outside." Rodrigo said storming out.

Ryan looked at Raul and raised his eyebrow.

"You'll get used to it." Raul said.

Marissa stormed out.

"Where are you going?" Raul yelled after her.

"TO SMOKE!" Marissa yelled back.

"I thought that you just told Rod-"

"What I have is legal." Marissa said rolling her eyes.

Kirsten knocked lightly on Seth's door.

"Seth honey?" She said

"What?" He asked annoyed.

Kirsten took that as a sign that she could enter. She closed the door behind her.

"She yours?" Seth asked not looking up from the plastic horse that he held in his hands.

Kirsten nodded.

"It seems so." She said.

"She's Jimmy's isn't she?" Seth asked.

Kirsten nodded.

"I am so sorry Seth." She said beginning to cry. "I was young and I was stupid!"

"It's okay." He said holding his mom close. It was unexpected for Seth to handle this in such a manner, but to see your mother cry… "What does dad think?"

Kirsten sat up and wiped her tears.

"Your father doesn't know."

"WHAT!" Seth practically yelled although not totally surprised.

"My father didn't allow me to tell anyone. And I loved your father so much I didn't want him to think any differently of me."

"So you just hid this secret the past 17 years!" Seth said looking at the ceiling. "When are you going to tell him?" Seth asked

"I don't know yet honey."

"I just want to let you know one thing mom. I will not come right out and tell dad, it's not my place, but if he asks me… if he asks me I'm not going to lie to him."

"I can respect that." Kirsten said as he son stood up. "Where are you going?"

"On a walk. I need to clear my head."

Sandy walked down the side of the road, nearly to his house. Damn hybrid cars. Why the hell did his have to break down ever two feet? Sandy stopped short when he saw a girl sitting on the curb, her feet turned inward slowly puffing a cigarette.

"You alright?" He asked the girl as he got closer to her.

"I'm alright." She said looking up at the man, almost identical to Seth… besides the eyebrows.

Sandy was taken aback at the look of the girl. He deep set eyes. Her bony frame… way too bony.

"You know each cigarette takes five minutes off your life."

"I'm counting on it." She said smirking a bit.

"You're not from around here." He said rather than asked

"Just passing through."

"Where's the old homestead?" Sandy asked in true nerd fashion.

"Chino." She said.

Eh, it didn't surprise Sandy in the least.

"How long you here?" He asked.

"Don't know." She said simply staring at the sky. "The big dipper." She said looking up. Sandy did as well. "I used to wish it'd scoop me up and carry me away."

"Did it ever?" He asked

Marissa shook her head no.

"Can't expect miracles 'cause life never fails to disappoint." She said looking back down at the ground again.

"What's your name?"

"Marissa." She said in an almost inaudible whisper.

"Look, I have an extra room, if you need something for the night." Sandy offered.

"Some kind of pervert or something?" Marissa asked

"No, I am married, I have a wife and son!" Sandy insisted.

Right then it was confirmation that it was in fact her birth mothers husband.

"Alright then."

When the two go into the house Seth was surprised to find that Marissa was walking with his father!

"Hey Seth. This is Marissa, Marissa Seth. She's going to stay with us for awhile, we can give her some breakfast tomorrow." He said looking her up and down. Marissa suddenly felt self conscious. "Seth will you show her to the pool house? I am going to go tell your mother." He smiled and hurried upstairs. Marissa and Seth went outside to talk where Sandy could not hear them.

"You dad's a cool guy muchacho explorador ." Marissa said

"What does that mean?" Seth asked

"Boy Scout." Marissa said

"Is that a compliment?"

"I think so." She responded almost smiling at her … brother… weird. It used to be just she and Raul.

"Mom's really glad that she found you." Seth said. "She was crying and she only cries when she is like, I donno, drunk, or when somebody dies. Oh yeah there is an occasional soap opera tear but that doesn't really count."

Marissa nodded. She was a girl of few words, very few actually compared to Seth.

"I'm heading in muchacho explorador." She said tapping him on the head. She went back to the pool house wondering if Rodrigo was back or not yet.

Sandy went to his room to find Kirsten there sitting wide awake.

"I found this girl on the street, and brought her back to stay." Sandy said

Kirsten's head shot up.

"Her name is Marissa."

** I know I know, strange. R/M coming soon! I really would like your reviews for this story so PLEASE review. I also updated a sequal to my story "Teach me to beliwve in something", called "Not Again", so check that out. Good times. Love yas!**

** xoxo Jules**


	6. Nothing good lasts forever

** Hello. I think i may be hitting dry a litte with this story. Please review if you read it. It keeps me going. Anyhow, thank you all for reviewing. RYAN/MARISSA slightly in this chapter. There will be more stuff later. READ AND REVIEW PLEASE!**

Chapter 5: "There's nothing good that lasts forever"

That night Marissa couldn't sleep. She went outside into the Cohens back yard and slowly swung her feet slowly back and forth in the water. She didn't hear footsteps behind her.

"Hey." Ryan said, his voice raspy as he joined her. "Waiting around for Rodrigo?" He asked

"No." Marissa said staring up at the sky. "Big boys can take care of themselves."

There was a silence between the two.

"What did you think of Kirsten?" He asked

"She was nice. Pretty, …" She trailed off. "This place is amazing Ryan. I never believed that there was anything like this. I mean, it's not even the glitz or glam. It's how the air smells, and the fact that the men don't wear bullet proof vests under their shirts." She said looking around. "I don't know, I think I may have found something better."

"Does that mean that you are thinking about staying?" He asked meeting her eyes

"Are you kidding me? Rigo would kill me." She said.

"Can't do things for other people Marissa." Ryan said looking out to the ocean. "One day you've got to start doing things for yourself too."

Marissa sat for long after Ryan went back inside of the pool house contemplating this. Sometime during the night, she didn't exactly remember when, she made her way back to the pool house and fell asleep.

The day around noon Seth came in.

"DUDE!" Raul said when the sun poured in the window.

"Guys it's like twelve thirty. We have food in the kitchen." He said. "Come on. Let's get up, we're loosing daylight here!" Seth said.

They all groaned as they climbed out of bed and made their way into the Cohen house.

"Hi guys." Kirsten said when they came in. She was looking at Marissa particularly though. "Sandy is at the office, I told him that you had some friends along with you that would be staying as well." She said directing her comment towards Marissa.

"There's food if you want to help yourself to it." Seth said trying to be polite. "Or not." He said as none of the four moved.

"Come on! I got all of this food, someone has to eat it." Kirsten said smiling

"Thank you." Ryan said grabbing a bagel and taking a seat.

Rodrigo and Raul followed in suit doing the same grabbing a bagel and orange juice and sitting down, saying polite "Thank you's."

"Do you want something Marissa?" Kirsten asked looking at her… daughters, bony frame.

"No thank you." She said.

"Are you sure?" Kirsten asked looking concerned.

"Yeah. I'm fine." Marissa said just taking a seat next to Summer who had just arrived.

Raul gave Kirsten the 'just leave it look,' politely. Kirsten just nodded.

"Your hair would look awesome with highlights." Summer said staring at the girl to her left.

Marissa was not sure what to say in response.

"Well boys." Kirsten said breaking the awkward silence. "Seth is going to go take you out today, I guess Summer will be tagging along, and I'm going to take Marissa. Does that sound good to everyone?" She asked

Everyone nodded. Breakfast went on silently until Rodrigos beeper went off.

"I'll be right back." He said heading out to the front of the Cohen house.

"Me too." Marissa followed him out

Everyone except Raul exchanged glances.

"Que hubo? (what is going on?)" Marissa asked Rodrigo grabbing his arm

"I got some business back in Chino." He said.

"I thought that you were going to stop that stuff." Marissa said looking at her feet. "It's dangerous."

"I have to do this Marissa. I will be back. You got everything here. Give me two days."

"I don't want you to get locked up Rigo."

"I won't." He tried to convince her

"Mejor no. (Better not)" She warned.

"I promise." He said kissing her

Marissa re-entered the house alone.

"Where is Rodrigo?" Kirsten asked

"He had to go back home. His mother is sick." Marissa said sitting down at the table once again, glancing at Ryan then looking down at her feet.

"You guys want to head out now?" Seth asked looking back and forth from Raul to Ryan. "You guys ever been on a boat?" He asked grinning.

"I worked on a fishing boat one Summer. I hated it." Raul said

"Well then maybe we'll stick to dry land, how about that?" Seth said leaving the house, Summer following close behind, and then Rodrigo.

"Thanks again for breakfast Ms. Cohen." Ryan said again before he left, smiling at Marissa as he walked out.

Marissa and Kirsten were unsure of what to say to each other.

"Today, um… I was going take you to meet Jimmy."

"Jimmy… who you told me about yesterday?" She asked turning to face Kirsten

"Yeah." She said smiling. "Do you want to go get dressed and then we can head out?"

Marissa looked down at herself and then back up at Kirsten

"This is all that I brought." She said.

Kirsten nodded.

"We'll pick up something on the way." She said

Kirsten and Marissa walked into the store.

"What size do you wear?" She asked looking Marissa up and down. Marissa shrugged.

"0 I think. It's been awhile since I got clothes." She said.

Kirsten skipped over to a rack.

"I've always wanted a girl to shop for. What about this?" She asked holding up a plain red t-shirt.

"It's nice." Marissa said glancing at the price tag. "Woah, that one shirt cost more than like my entire wardrobe!" She said

Kirsten shrugged.

"I'm treating you. You need to get something nice to wear." She smiled.

Kirsten became concerned when they could not find pants for Marissa that would stay around her waist, and that were long enough that it didn't look like there was a flood. Kirsten was aware of her daughters non-existent frame but decided that it wasn't her place… yet

Summer, Raul and Ryan sat at the crab shack

"So what's it like in Chino? Have you ever been shot?" Summer asked leaning forward both elbows on the table.

"Summer!" Seth said shoving her

"What?" She asked

"It's alright." Raul said smiling

"I've been shot." Ryan said. "Actually the bullet only grazed my arm." He said finishing off his lobster.

"That was the best meal ever." Raul said putting his fork down

"Good thing that my mom didn't cook this morning." Seth said, "You wouldn't have lived to see this meal."

Kirsten and Marissa pulled up in front of Jimmy's apartment building

"Here we are." She said taking off her seat belt.

Marissa re-situated her skirt and shirt before she stepped out of the car.

"Does he know that we're coming?" Marissa asked before she went any further.

"No." Kirsten said taking a deep breath. "He doesn't."


	7. Time out on the running boards

** I totally love this chapter. There is more Ryan and Marissa, and the drama begins. PLEASE review this! I really want to know what you think. Thanks!**

** xoxo Jules**

Chapter 6: "Time out on the running boards"

Marissa shifted from foot to foot.

"Do you think that it is a good idea for us to show up then?" She asked

"It will be fine." Kirsten said trying to put on a nervous smile.

"What if he has company or something?" Marissa asked

"He won't. He got in trouble awhile back for insurance fraud."

"I thought that you said he was a good guy." Marissa said

"He is. He just had a wife that ran him into the hole." Kirsten explained. "Come on, let's go." She said motioning for Marissa to follow her up the stairs to Jimmy's apartment.

Kirsten looked over at Marissa, she could sense that she was nervous.

"It'll be alright." She assured the girl.

Marissa nodded as Kirsten knocked on the door. A couple of seconds a man opened the door. He had a smile on his face, but his eyes betrayed his smile, just as Marissa's did…

"Hi Kirsten!" He said letting her in

"Hi Jimmy." She said as she entered, Marissa following.

"Who may I ask is this lovely lady?" Jimmy said taking a sip of his soda.

"Your daughter." Kirsten said looking him in the eye.

Right then Coke sputtered out from Jimmys mouth landing all over his lap.

"My what?" He asked… "Our baby… I was there with you and your dad when we buried her." He said in disbelief.

"I know. It's crazy. But this is out daughter. Right here in the flesh." Kirsten said smiling

"Marissa…" Jimmy said, his voice an inaudible whisper.

"Um, Hi." She said nervously holding her hand up, and quickly placing it back in her lap.

"Hi." Jimmy said his expression not changing. "So what brought you to town?"

Marissa looked at her feet and shrugged.

"Just passing through." She said simply.

Jimmy nodded still wide-eyed.

"So where did you gro-"

"Chino." Marissa said before he could even finish

"Chino…" Jimmy repeated, "… nice."

There was a long awkward silence.

"Chino…" Jimmy said again. "Does Sandy know?"

"He knows that a girl and some of her friends are staying with us, but other than that no…" Kirsten explained

"You've got to tell him." Jimmy said. "I mean he doesn't even know about Marissa." Jimmy tried to whisper but Marissa could hear. She chuckled to herself.

"Marissa, why don't you go upstairs and watch TV while Kirsten and I talk a little." He said

"Alright." Marissa said nodding.

"First door on the left." Jimmy directed her.

They waited until Marissa was out of earshot before they spoke.

"She got here last night." Kirsten explained

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It wasn't the right time."

"But this doesn't make any sense, I thought she was dead!" Jimmy said in a whisper

"Me too but obviously not." Kirsten said with her head in her hands

"I bet that your father had something to do with this."

"You don't think that he would do you?" Kirsten asked, not wanting to believe it.

"I think so."

Marissa looked around the room. On the table next to the bed was a picture of her father… this Jimmy guy, with a little girl… He already had a daughter, what would he want with her.

Marissa spun around quickly when she heard a noise, knocking over the picture.

"Oh shit." She said trying to pick up the pieces of broken glass. She cut her hand in the process.

When she picked up the photo she noticed another one that had been wedged in the frame behind it… on the back it read, "Jimmy and Marissa." Marissa looked in awe at the picture. She was younger in it than she was in the one with Kirsten… Marissa had not seen pictures of herself as a child… or at least before she was adopted. She may have had a couple from after, but that was about it.

Seth, Summer, Ryan, and Raul hung out on the beach.

"So what was Rigo's deal running out like that?" Ryan asked

"His mother. Marissa said so." Raul said blocking the sun with his hand as he watched Summer and Seth play in the water.

"I don't believe it." Ryan confessed.

"Listen. You don't wanna get mixed up in their shit. Rodrigos a good guy, he's just got his problems. We all do. But Rigo's my best friend, and if her calls me, I'll be there."

Jimmy and Kirsten sat in Jimmy's living room 

"What are we going to do?" Jimmy asked

"It's not everyday you find out that your child is alive…" Kirsten said looking back at the door where Marissa had just disappeared.

"Do they feed her?" Jimmy asked Kirsten, remembering the girl of skin and bones

"She doesn't eat." Kirsten said. "I tried to get her to this morning. Her brother told me not to bother."

"You mean Seth?"

"No, Raul. Her foster brother. The two are really close. And another thing. She doesn't have her real birthday. She says that she is 17. I guess whoever took her from us didn't give that information." Kirsten explained "She should be 18. Just turned 18, instead of just turned 17..."

Jimmy nodded.

"She was a small child. That would have been an accurate guess at the time. She was so tiny" Jimmy said

"Yeah, now shes a tall skinny bean pole."

"So what do you think we can do about it?" Jimmy asked

"I don't know." Kirsten said

"Do we even still have legal custody of her?" Jimmy wondered.

"I have no idea, and the one person that I could ask can't know." Kirsten said exasperated. "Tomorrow I am going to speak with my father." She said

"Alright, I'll take Marissa." He said

Marissa who was listening through the door rolled her eyes. She was 17 years old. She didn't need a babysitter. But on the bright side if she really was 18 it meant that she could legally buy cigarettes right?

That night Marissa was walking along the beach alone. She was startled when she heard a voice behind her.

"'Rissa." It said. She jumped. "CALM DOWN!" Ryan said grabbing her shoulders.

Her eyes were distant and glazed over. You could see the reflection of a bonfire that was going on down the beach in them… it was literally seeing fire in her eyes.

"What are you doing out here so late?" She asked

"It's cold." Ryan said giving her his jacket.

"I'm fine." Marissa said

"No but-"

"I'm fine." Marissa said again smiling this time as Ryan put his jacket back on.

"Alright."

"So how did it go with the semi-parentals?"

"Alright." Marissa said again "They seem like nice people." She said nodding. "it's just weird."

"What?" Ryan asked as they took a seat on the rock.

"I could have grown up here… Seth would have been my little brother. I would have probably been wearing baby Gucci." She said rolling her eyes. "I would have had a dad, and a real mom." She said a tear coming to her eye. "It's stupid." She said wiping her eye

"I don't think so." Ryan said. "There is nothing wrong with wanting to be happy."

"But what about Abuela and the kids? And Raul!"

"He could stay with you here! And Abuela is going to be alright."

"What about Rodrigo…"

Ryan paused at the question. He and Rigo had never been particularly tight.

"If he loves you, he will be with you." Was all Ryan could say as he followed the girls eyes to the ocean.

"Kirsten Cohen and Jimmy Cooper, my parents." Marissa repeated

Ryan gently laid his hand over her frail one and gave it a light squeeze.

"Jimmy and Kirsten have a child?" Julie whispered from the other side of the rock where she was busy making out with Luke Ward… "Wait until Newport hears this." She said smiling in delight.

Rodrigo walked into a dark warehouse back in chino. His "friend" Victor was waiting.

"What'd you call me like that for?"

"What Newport. Forget where you belong?" He asked shoving Rodrigo against a wall

"I was there with my girl." He said pushing him off of him

"Since when do you choose a bitch over your boys?" Said the man turning around

"What, you still didn't tell me why you called me out here?"

"'Member that drive by last week where we knocked that Juan Miguel bitch for hittin' our corner a week before?"

"Yeah, I was the shooter Victor." Rigo said in a 'No-duh' tone.

"Well we thought you was the only one who made it out. Turns out that blonde guy did too." Victor informed him "Ryan Atwood. We've been looking up stuff on him since you left."

Suddenly Rodrigo realized his connection to Ryan…

"Look, Juan Miguel was the one who shot us up. Why don't we just leave it." Rigo said

"JUAN MIGUEL killed my brother! This Atwood kid's as close to boy blood as he got. I'm gonna do the same thing to him that he did to me."

Rodrigo looked at his feet.

"Look, we all know you've been wanting out of this business. This is your one last task and then you're free. Luis said so."

Luis was Abuelas son, as before stated, the bad seed, that was abusive to all the children, who had a special eye for Marissa, and ever since she came used time alone with her to his advantage… He is also the leader of Rigos gang.

"I don't know if I can do it Victor."

"Look man, the only way that people usually get out is death. You can have your way out just by getting rid of this kid. You can get out Rigo. You ain't like us. You want a real life, you've gotta off this guy. If not, Luis is gonna do it."

Rodrigo paused and thought. If I want to get out of this… be with Marissa, I have to do this. I gotta do it.

"Yeah." Rigo said nodding giving the other man his hand. "I'm in."

**DUN DUN DUN**


	8. We're running, through a world that's lo...

****

Hey! Here is the newest chapter. Now for anyone who doesn't think that this is "romantic" enough, it's not supposed to be overly romantic. The lovey dovey bubble gum stuff you will probably not find much of in this fic. I think that there is more to romance than kissing, flowers, and everything being perfect. Tragedy is romance as well. Anyway, that is not to say that R/M will not happen and it will not turn out alright, because as this is going it will, but I'm just saying. Anyway, read, review, and request! Thanks for the reviews!

XOXO Jules

Chapter 7: "We're running, Through a world that lost it's meaning"

Marissa awoke early the next morning, to find Raul getting dressed.

" Que hubo? (What's going on?)" She asked him

"I gotta go back to Chino for a minute." Raul informed her tossing his gun from under the bed into his bag.

"Is it Rigo? Did he call you?" Marissa asked

"We've got some business to take care of." Raul said

"Listen Raul, you're smarter than that. You don't need to get mixed up in anything."

"'Rissa, if Rigo does this one last job then he's out. It'll all be over."

"You mean Luis and all of them are going to let him out?" Marissa asked skeptically

"Yeah. It's what you've always wanted kid." Raul said tossing his bag on him shoulder. "Te amo." Raul said kissing his sisters cheek.

"Te amo." Marissa responded. "Raul?" She said as he began to walk out.

"Yeah." He asked turning back to face her

"Cuidado. (Be careful)" Marissa said

Raul nodded and then left the pool house. Marissa looked around. Now it was just she and Ryan left. Something about the situation just felt off. Something was not right.

Ryan awoke to hear soft sobs coming from beside him on the bed. It took him a second to remember where he was. Then he saw Marissa and it all came flooding back to him. Newport, the shooting, Juan Miguels death. That weird Seth kid.

"Marissa?" He asked touching her shoulder

Marissa quickly sat up and wiped her eyes.

"Oh, hi. I didn't know that you were awake." She said slipping off of the bed

"Are you alright?" Ryan asked from where he laid.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Where's Raul?" He asked now moving so that he could sit up.

"Back in Chino." Marissa told him, her voice quivering as she spoke

"Why?" Ryan asked

"The less you know the safer you are." Marissa said turning to Ryan

He decided not to question further, right then at least.

"You hungry?" He asked

Marissa shrugged as she followed him into the kitchen.

"Good morning kids!" Sandy said with a smile. "I made breakfast!"

"Where's Raul?" Kirsten asked from the table where she sat with Seth

"He went back to help my mother." Marissa lied. She could tell that Kirsten was a little weirded out that she had called another woman her mother. But Abuela had raised her.

"Oh." She said nodding

"And so four becomes two." Seth said his mouth full of Captain Crunch.

"Well if you don't want eggs and bacon there are bagels on the counter as well." Kirsten offered them.

"Thanks." Marissa and Ryan said in unison.

Ryan grabbed a plate full of eggs and bacon. Marissa just got a cup of juice.

"Are you sure that's all that you want?" Sandy turned to Marissa asking her

"Yeah." She said. "I'm fine."

"Why not a bagel?" Kirsten pressed. Now everyones eye's were on Marissa.

"Um yeah, sure." She said taking a plain bagel off of the tray.

Back at her place in Chino nobody really minded that she didn't eat much. It was more food for them.

Kirsten watched out of the corner of her eye as Marissa picked little pieces off of her bagel and then sat them individually in her mouth.

Marissa knew that Kirsten was watching her as she ate. She hoped that she didn't realize what she was doing. It was a trick that she had picked up long ago. She would take little sips of the juice, and as she did she would spit whatever food that was in her mouth into the cup of orange juice. It seemed like Kirsten didn't pick up on it. Maybe she was all clear.

"So, what are the plans for today?" Sandy asked trying to make pleasant conversation.

"I am going to go see my father." Kirsten said, earning a look from everyone around the table. Marissa in particular.

"I can't wait to find out what that whack job is up to now." Sandy muttered "What about you kids?"

"Um, I don't know, we're probably just going to go hit the beach… again." Seth said.

"You can wear the bathing suit that I got for you Marissa." Kirsten said smiling at the girl who gave an unsure smile back.

"Yeah." She said.

"What about you dad?"

"I've just got to get some work done around the house." He said "I'll be here all day."

Seth, Summer, Ryan and Marissa walked along the beach.

"Right here!" Summer said lying out her towel. "It looks like the perfect tanning spot." She said with a smile. "What do you think Marissa?"

Marissa smiled at the girl.

"Looks okay to me." She said, taking off their clothes revealing their bathing suits.

Ryan tried to look away from the bones that were Marissa. Sure to the average eye she would just look extremely skinny, but everyone knew the truth with that…

"Ryan, come on, I'll show you how to surf." Seth said

Ryan squinted at the curly haired boy and lowered his eyebrow.

"Or you can just come and watch." Seth said as Ryan followed him down the beach.

Marissa and Summer sat in silence

"So do you like it here?" Summer asked Marissa

"It sure is different from Chino." Marissa confessed.

"I can imagine." Summer said

"How long have you and Seth been seeing each other?" Marissa asked

"Um, I don't know, about four months." Summer said. "God he's such a geek. He has this like ridiculous plastic horse thing that he talks to like it's a person."

"Strange." Marissa said.

"How long have you and Ryan been… whatever you are?" Summer asked

"Oh no, Ryan and I aren't… I mean it's not like that with us. I am going out with Rodrigo." Marissa concluded finally.

"Oh please, I see you guys out at the pool talking at night."

"What are you doing at the Cohens house at night?" Marissa asked

"It doesn't matter." Summer said blushing. "All I'm saying is that I wouldn't blame you for liking him. He's a hottie." She winked at Marissa who laughed.

Marissa turned and watched Seth and Ryan in the water. Ryan looked like a baby learning how to walk, the way he wobbled on his surf board. He fell into the water. Marissa laughed. When he got up their eyes met, maybe there was something with the two of them…

Sandy was clearing off the plates in the kitchen when he heard the doorbell ring.

"Coming!" He said heading towards the door. "Julie." He said when he opened the door.

"Hi Sandy." She said with a fake smile.

"What brings you over?"

"I just wanted to congratulate you on the newest addition to your family." She said

"What are you talking about?" Sandy asked

"Well Kirsten's daughter of course." Julie said

"What daughter?" Sandy asked

"Oh!" Julie said putting her hand over her mouth as if she didn't know that he didn't know. "You don't know? Jimmy and Kirstens daughter Marissa." Julie said

"What the hell!" Sandy said. "No, I don't know." He said

"Well then Sanford, let me give you a little history lesson." Said Julie leaning against the door frame.

Kirsten busted into her father office where he was working on papers.

"What the hell is going on here?" He yelled standing up behind his desk.

"I don't know dad, why don't you tell me?" She said, hands on her hips


	9. Trying to find a way to love

**Alright, hey guys. Sorry I haven't updated recently. I have been so stressed. PLEASE review and give me motivation to keep on going. Ah! Anyway, I am going to FL soon, and I wanted to get one or two chapters up of each of my stories before I do so... yeah... here it goes. Please review!**

**xoxo Jules**

Chapter 8: "Tryin' to find a way to love"

Kirsten walked into the house, exhausted from talking to her father. She had found out all that she needed to know. She entered the living room to see Sandy sitting on the couch waiting for her.

"Hi." She said kissing his cheek. "Where are the kids?" She asked taking off her jacket.

"Well our son and your daughter are still at the beach." Sandy said standing up facing his wife.

"Sandy I-"

"How could you not tell me Kirsten! 18 years you have had a child with one of our best friends and you didn't tell me?" Sandy yelled.

"You don't understand, I didn't think that she was alive!" Kirsten said

Right then Summer, Ryan, Marissa, and Seth walked in.

"Hey mom, dad." Seth said. "I took Ryan surfing, he's totally a natural."

Seth received a harsh look from his parents.

"Right, being quiet." He said

"Kids, pool house." Sandy said pointing to the back door.

They all looked awkwardly at one another as they entered the small pool house that had been serving as a home to Ryan and Marissa, Raul and Rodrigo as well when they were there.

"He knows…" Marissa said running her hands through her hair

"You don't know that he knows." Ryan said hugging Marissa.

"Yes I do. And I know he knows that I know he knows!" Marissa said completely freaking out.

"May I stop you before this turns into that episode of friends?" Seth asked

Ryan and Marissa gave him blank stares.

"Seth." Summer said shoving his arm. "That is a happy show and there is no happiness in Chino." She whispered loudly, Marissa rolled her eyes.

"This is all my fault, I came back here and am screwing everything up for them. I've got to go." Marissa said tossing a pack of cigarettes in her pocket. That was all that she had come with.

"Marissa!" Seth said grabbing her arm, "you can't do that, my mom would be torn apart." Seth pleaded to her

"I've got to go." Marissa said jogging out of the pool house leaving Ryan, Seth, and Summer standing shocked behind her.

Nobody said anything for a couple of minutes until Summer broke the silence.

"What are you going to do?" She asked Seth.

"I'm going to go get her." He said.

"Not tonight." Ryan said

"But-" Seth persisted but Ryan cut him off

"Not tonight." Ryan repeated. "It will be safer until the morning. I can take you to where she lives. Until then just don't let your mom know that anything is up."

Marissa stared out of the bus window… Newport passed slowly before her eyes, but she didn't belong there. All that she did was cause trouble, Chino was her home. Chino, was where she belonged.

Marissa walked down the steep hill and over the train tracks where she had first met Ryan to her house. She heard the children screaming and playing before she even saw the trailer that she had called home for the past 15 years.

"Hey Jace." Marissa said rubbing a little boys curly brown hair as she entered her house. "Javi?" She called out looking around for the boy that they had left in charge.

"He's not here." Jace said pulling on her leg.

"What do you mean he's not here?" Marissa asked looking down at the little boy. Jace and she were always the closest. She regretted leaving him the most although she didn't think that she was going to be gone more that two days tops. Jace was a mixed, black and Hispanic. He had a head of curly ringlets, and the most striking green eyes. He came to the foster home two years before after being abandoned by his father after his mother had left him. He was now six years old. He was barefoot as usual, and had grass stains on the knees of his pants, and wore a little white tank top, just like Ryan did…

"After you an' Raul left so did he." He said wiping sweat from his face.

Marissa noticed a bruise on his arm, and a cut above his eye.

"What happened?" Marissa asked him

"Luis." Was all that the little boy needed to say

Marissa knew it. Luis always directed all of his behaviors, good or bad towards her. But when she left…

"We're leavin' soon." Jace said looking Marissa in the eye.

"Who's leaving?" She asked

"All us kids." He said. "Abuela's in the hospital. Luis called social sometin'. We're gonna go with new families. They already took Jay-Jay, Vikki, Martina, and Veronica. And some other ones…"

"When did Abuela go to the hospital?" Marissa asked very concerned

"Two days ago." Jace said

"So where's Luis?"

"He jus' left with Rigo, and Raul talkin' 'bout knocking out some guy somewhere. Some blonde guy." Jace said.

"What?" Marissa asked. Could it be Ryan? Who was the other blonde person in Chino? Well… other than she and Ryan anyway.

"What other kids are left here?"

"Me, Lana, Lanie, Tessa, and Paulo."

"Alright, I want to go visit Abuela." Marissa said.

"You coming back 'Rissa?" He asked looking up at her, his eyes sad and sullen.

"I am, I promise. I want you to find all the other kids and tell them to stay inside." Marissa said kissing the top of his curly head.

"Kay." He said waving to her as she ran back up the hill towards the bus stop. She had to see Abuela.

Marissa walked through the sterile halls of the hospital. God, how were they going to pay for this? Insurance wouldn't cover it because they had none, Marissa thought as she was directed to Abeulas room.

"Abuela…" Marissa said rushing to her bedside.

"I have been waiting for you hija (my child)." Abuela said reaching out and taking Marissa's hands.

"I'm sorry. I am so sorry." Marissa said as she kissed Abuela's hands.

"No, no." Abuela smiled down at her. "I wanted to see you one last time hija."

"Please don't talk like that." Marissa begged.

"Nina (child), we know I don't have much time left. I don't want you or the kids to see me die hija. I want you to remember how I used to rock you to sleep every night, you in one arm, Raul in the other signing your favorite tune." She said stroking the side of Marissa's cheek.

"Social services is taking the kids." Marissa said, a tear running down her cheek.

"For the best. Better than them ending up with Luis." Abuela said looking away. "I tried so hard with that boy, god know's how I tried." She said squeezing Marissa hands. "That's why I got all of you. I needed to do it right." She turns and looks Marissa in the eye with a smile. "And I did."

"Abuela…" Was all that Marissa could say.

"Go nina." Abuela said, her eye shedding a single tear. "Get as far away from Chino as you can. Find your parents. There's more than this Hija, you are more than this."

"But-" Marissa began to insist but she was cut off.

"Marissa, you need to go now. Never forget your name Marissa Matea De los Santos." Abuela kissed her cheek.

"Te amo." Marissa said giving Abuela one last hug.

"Te amo hija." She said kissing Marissa's cheek.

Marissa fled the room before Abuela had to see her cry anymore. How could this happen? Abuela was supposed to be there for her forever. The kids were not supposed to get taken away. Marissa wiped her tears as she left the hospital.

She as she walked back to the trailer the sun set. Abuelas words ran over and over in her head.

_"Get as far away from Chino as you can. Find your parents. There's more than this Hija, you are more than this."_

She had to go back to Newport… she had to face Jimmy and Kirsten, her mother and father… She had to find Ryan and warn him about Luis and the rest. But before she did that, she had to see her childhood home one last time. When she approached the door she felt a hand from under the deck grab her ankles, she didn't scream but looked down to find Jace, his finger over his lips as a sign for her to be quiet.

She knelt down next to him. She could hear drunken voices from inside the trailer.

"So we go to Newport and knock out that Ryan kid?" Raul asked

"Yeah, and that's it!" Luis said. "You's 'll both be free."

"What about 'Rissa?" Rigo asked. "She knows something's up, she never liked this whole business no way."

"I'll take care of Marissa." Luis said to Rigo and Raul. "One way or another."

Marissa heard the whole thing but wasn't inside to see Luis spinning a gun around on the kitchen table.

Marissa grabbed Jace's hand and together they took off up the hill, stopping at the top to catch their breath.

"Where are the rest of the kids?" She asked. They were always her first priority.

"They came and took 'em." Jace said.

"What'd they, miss you?" Marissa asked

"Nah, I hid. Under the porch." Jace said honestly

"Why?" Marissa asked curiously

"Cause, I want'd 'da say bye to you." Jace said his eyes watering.

"It's alright baby." She said hugging the child.

"What are we gonna do now?" Jace asked

"We're going to Newport." Marissa said grabbing the boys hand leading his to the bus stop and leaving Chino behind without another thought.

It was the middle of the night when they returned back to Newport. Marissa walked back to the Cohen's house, Jace walking a ways behind her, if he wasn't riding on her back. Nobody could blame him, it was a long walk, and he was barefoot.

Marissa opened the pool house door to find Ryan sitting awake in a chair and Summer and Seth asleep on the bed. Ryan rushed over to her when she came in.

"Are you alright? Kirsten is so worried it's calmed down a little-" He rambled, Seth had rubbed off on him. "And Sand-"

His eyes then met Marissas and then he stopped speaking, she leaned in and kissed him, her body sinking into his own. Suddenly the need for breath broke the two apart.

"Gross." Jace said from behind Marissa.

"Wha- what was that for?" Ryan stuttered.

"For being you." Marissa said with a small smile… "and because I think that you have three guys trying to kill you." Marissa said as an after thought.

"WHAT?"

REVIEW, and REQUEST!


	10. This running

**Hey! New chap! Read, Review, and Request!**

**xoxo Jules**

Chapter 9: "This running"

Marissa watched Ryans eyes cloud over with fear.

"Who wants to kill me?" Ryan asked hurriedly

Marissa took a deep breath and looked at the floor.

"WHO!" Ryan said again, firmer this time.

"Luis, Rigo, and Raul…" She said now looking back up again to meet his eye.

"Do you know why?" Ryan asked

"All I can guess is that it has something to do with them killing Juan Miguel." Marissa said.

"But if they wanted to kill me why didn't they do it before?" Ryan asked

"When we were 14 Raul and Rigo got mixed up in some bad stuff. They joined a gang, Luis was the leader of the whole thing. They got into some bad trouble a couple of times. Been locked up once or twice and all. Anyway before Raul left he said that Luis had one last job for him and Rigo and then they can go… I think that last job is you." Marissa said seriously "That's what I'm guessing…"

"Damnit." Ryan said hitting the table with his fist causing Seth and Summer to wake up.

"Marissa?" Seth said. "What's going on?"

"Don't worry about it." She warned him.

There was a long awkward silence which once again Summer broke.

"What's that?" She asked pointing to Jace.

"He's my little brother." Marissa said.

Seth, Ryan, and Summer all raised their eyebrows.

"I told you about all the foster kids." Marissa said cracking a slight smile.

Jace tugged on Marissa's tank top.

"I'm hungry." He said

"Um…" Marissa said glancing at Seth.

Seth stood up and took charge.

"I'll get you something buddy." He said taking the young boys hand. "I'm Seth. Summer, come on." He called over his shoulder.

"Ew Cohen, don't give me orders."

"Come on Summer!" Jace repeated with his adorable smile.

"Look at that face!" Seth said picking him up, "how an you say no to that?"

"Fine!" Summer said throwing her hands up in the air following Seth out.

Seth and Summer entered the kitchen to find Kirsten sitting at the table looking quite distraught with a cup of coffee in front of her.

"She's back." Seth said sitting Jace on the counter.

"Is she alright? I knew that I should have told Sandy about her before. This is all my fault." Kirsten said in a hushed voice focusing on her coffee. Then she noticed the little boy sitting on the counter, his face streaked with mud, and his once white shirt a dingy yellow color, and old ripped up jeans. Despite his appearance he sat smiling at her, his green eyes twinkling. "And who is this?" Kirsten asked looking back and forth between Seth and Summer.

"That's Jace, Marissas brother." Summer explained

Kirsten only raised an eyebrow.

"Oh." She said.

"We just came to get him a sandwich or something, then we'll be out of your way." Seth said to his still unresponsive mother.

Summer and Seth quickly fixed Jace something to eat in silence glancing occasionally back and forth between one another.

"We'll take him up to my room to eat this." Seth said. "Marissa's back in the pool house with Ryan." He informed her before the three retreated up the stairs to Seth's room.

Marissa and Ryan sat in the pool house.

"I can't help but think I dragged you into all of this." Marissa said to Ryan apologetically

"No you didn't. They would'a still come after me if I knew you or not. At least you're here to warn me." Ryan said putting his hand on her knee.

"I just wish that I could do more." Marissa confessed.

"You need to focus on your family." Ryan told her

"Oh yeah, my family that is trying to kill you?" Marissa asked sarcastically

"Come on Marissa. The Cohens, that Jimmy guy sounded pretty cool too, and Jace."

"I just don't think that I am ready for this all." Marissa said looking at her feet

"What all?" Ryan asked

"Newport, all of this." She said looking around. "Abuela is dying, the kids are gone… This is all that I have left and I barely have it at all!" Marissa said tears beginning to fall

"I think that you should go talk to Kirsten." Ryan said

"I don't want to leave you in the pool house alone with Rau-" Marissa began

"I'll be fine." Ryan insisted.

"But-"

"I'll be fine." He said again. "Go."

Marissa smiled hugging Ryan quickly and kissing him on the cheek.

"Thanks." She said

Ryan just nodded as she left before she had time to see him pull his gun out of his backpack and sit it on the nightstand just in case…

Marissa opened the door from the backyard quietly. Kirsten, who was sitting at the kitchen table, barely noticed her presence.

"Um… Kirsten…" Marissa said

Her mother turned quickly and met her daughters eyes, both sets red from crying.

"I uh, I just wanted to tell you I'm back!" Marissa said playing with her hands nervously.

"Have a seat?" Kirsten offered.

Marissa nodded and slowly sat in the chair across from the one where Kirsten sat. There was a short awkward silence between the two.

"I spoke with my father today." Kirsten said, Marissa was alerted by her words. "He practically admitted to the entire thing. He said that he thought that it was best for the family. Especially after I became pregnant with Seth… I'm so sorry honey." Kirsten said reaching across the table taking Marissa's hand.

"It's not your fault." Marissa said honestly. Kirsten stood up and put her cup in the sink. "Are you hungry?" She asked her daughter.

"No, I'm alright." Marissa said looking away from Kirsten as she re-joined her at the table.

"I'm sorry about the stuff between Sandy and I earlier." Kirsten said

"No, it's my fault. I never should have come." Marissa said looking away

"Of course you should have!" Kirsten tried to reassure her. "I never in my wildest dreams thought that you were alive. I never thought that you would be so beautiful." Kirsten said causing Marissa to blush. Nobody had ever called her that word… beautiful.

"Abuela is dying." Marissa said. "They took the kids and put them in foster care." Marissa said meeting her mothers eyes.

"I'm sorry." Kirsten said sympathetically "I would love to have you here. I am sure that your father would as well." Kirsten said

"What about Sandy?" Marissa asked

Kirsten took a deep breath.

"Sandy is a stubborn man, but he'll come around, he has to." Kirsten said. "Just know that he holds nothing against you Marissa. He knows that none of this is your fault."

Marissa was unsure of how to respond, so as usual she found herself nodding. Kirsten was wondering if now was the time to bring up Marissa's eating habits, or should she say lack thereof, but Marissa spoke before she.

"Where's Jace?" She asked

"Upstairs with Seth and Summer. They are probably playing video games or something." She told her.

"Alright." Marissa said nodding.

"So Jace is your little brother?" Kirsten asked

"Yeah, pretty much. I was closest to him next to Raul anyway."

"Speaking of Raul have you heard from him?"

Marissa shook her head no.

"And Rodrigo?"

She shook her head no again.

"Well I guess it's nice to have Ryan around then huh?" Kirsten said

"Yeah." Marissa said.

"I've got a room upstairs that I can fix up for you." Kirsten offered.

"It's alright, I'm fine in the pool house. Ryan's out there so I'm not alone." Marissa said standing up.

"Alright. Don't worry about Jace. We've got him covered." Kirsten said smiling warmly

"Thank you Kirsten."

"Goodnight."

Marissa made her way back to the pool house, where Ryan was sitting awake, gun in hand. She opened the door carefully as to not alarm Ryan.

"Didn't know you were packin' that." Marissa said pointing to the gun

Ryan looked at her and shrugged.

"You never know." He said. "How'd it go with Kirsten?"

"It… went." Was all that Marissa could find to say.

"You can go in. I'll look out for… them…" Ryan said.

"No." Marissa said sitting next to him on the bed. "Tonight, we're both going to sleep. I think that they're to sloshed to do anything anyway." She said pulling back the covers.

She and Ryan laid there awhile looking into one anothers eyes. Again Marissa leaned in and kissed him.

"What does that mean?" Ryan asked

Marissa shrugged.

"We just get each other." Marissa said smiling.

"Yeah, I guess we do." Ryan said closing the gap between them once more.

And for a moment Marissa wasn't worried about Rigo, or the Cohens, and Ryan wasn't worried about the target on his back. Right then in that moment all that mattered was one another.

For anyone who is confused about where this is going in the next few chapters:

** Marissa talks about her eating disorder and makes an unlikely friend**

** Seth and Ryan become closer**

**They make decisions about Jace, (let me know what you think should happen to him)**

**Marissa gets closer to Jimmy**

** Marissa and Sandy talk**

** Ryans life is threatened**

**School**

**More Seth and Summer!**

** Ryan and Marissa!**


	11. Ain't no kind of Freedom

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PLEASE READ:

AH! Sorry for not having updated! School starts monday (highschool), and I still don't know which one I will be attending... um yeah, big problem! But my story Busted is wrapping up, and Mediocre bad guys should be soon as well which means that I can focus on other stories. The thing is with school starting so soon I hesistate starting anything new in place of either of those, which means BASICALLY there is this and "Not Again", in the OC, but I don't update Not Again reguarly since it is sequal. Now I'm sorry to say that means for the people who read my OC fics I will only have this story going probably by the first week of september, while I have several One Tree Hill stories. It's kinda funny cause with OTH, I write Lucas and Peyton (leyton), and I don't even really like them as a couple. So while I think my OTH stories may be better (hence being updated more) my heart is with this show... lol, I know it's a big rant but needless to say I am not quite sure how invested I am in fanfiction at this point. I'm still going to write, but updates may be sparse between Junior year, church, lack of sanity, and year round soccer. If you give me new OC story ideas I'll try to think of something new.

BTW: This chapter has MAJOR Sum, Rissa bonding!

xoxo Jules

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Chapter 10: "Ain't no kind of freedom"

Marissa awoke the next morning to find herself alone in bed. She glanced from side to side but Ryan was nowhere… Had something happened during the night?

The blinds in the pool house were drawn down. The sunlight practically blinded her as she stepped out of the pool house. She was wearing an old pair of her sweat pants, the drawstring pulled to an unimaginable amount in order to hold themselves up. An old t-shirt of Ryans hung loosely from her body.

Before she could even reach the door to the main house Summer came out.

"Hey Marissa!" She said with a smile.

"Hey Summer." Marissa didn't know why but she liked Summer. Maybe she was a little empty upstairs, spoiled, and therefore materialistic, but she wasn't really like anyone Marissa ever knew.

"Breakfast inside."

"Ok." Marissa said glancing out to the water.

"Hey, so I heard that you're probably staying." Summer said excitedly.

"Yeah, it seems that way." Marissa said turning back to the girl again.

"Well then I think that we need to have a girls afternoon for sure so I can give you the low down on the Newport scene. What do you think?" Summer suggested.

Marissa nodded her head. She had never had a "girls day," before but figured there could be less horrible things.

"Yeah. That sounds like fun." Marissa said her lips cracking into a small smile.

Right then Seth leaned his head out of the house.

"You girls coming in? Jace is totally beating the crap out of Ryan in Mortal Kombat."

Summer and Marissa rolled their eyes, and followed Seth inside.

"Haha! I gotcha!" Jace yelled as he jumped up and down in front of the screen.

"You are totally cheating!" Ryan argued back.

Marissa laughed as she watched the two.

"Good morning Marissa." Kirsten said from the table.

"Morning." Marissa said

"We have bagels, toast, eggs." Kirsten informed her.

"Thanks." Marissa said going into the kitchen. Everyone watched her out of the corner of their eyes curious about what she was going to do. She simply grabbed a cup of coffee and sat on one of the stools.

Kirsten tried not to look too disappointed.

"So, what are you kids planning on doing today?"

"We, are having a girls day. Marissa and I." Summer said in a matter of fact tone.

"I want to come to the girls day!" Seth whined

"Dude." Ryan said from where he was sitting playing.

--- Summer and Marissa entered a little diner later on that day. Marissa opened the menu and looked curiously through the pages. Summer just watched her and did the same.

"What do you want to get?" Summer asked as she closed her menu.

"I'm not really hungry." Marissa said putting down the menu and taking a long sip of water.

"Yeah, well I don't buy it. You're getting something." Summer said staring into Marissa's eyes.

"Summer, I told you that I didn't want anything." Marissa said becoming annoyed.

"Marissa look, I know we barely know each other and it's not really my place, but nobody else is saying anything."

"That's right Summer, and I don't need you to." Marissa said staring Summer dead in the eyes. Usually when she looked at people like that they backed off, but not Summer she was different.

"I don't think that you have any clue just how much you need it." Summer said standing up grabbing her purse.

"What are you doing?" Marissa asked curiously.

"It was a bad idea to do this here. Come on." Summer said heading towards the door leaving Marisa to follow her, which she did.

"Where are you going?" Marissa asked

"We're going to my house." Summer said hopping in her car, she pushed the door open on the other side for Marissa. Marissa hesitated. "Are you coming or not?"

Marissa looked around, what was her other option? She rolled her eyes and hopped into the passenger seat of Summers car.

They pulled up to a mansion that was even larger than the Cohens. Marissa's eyes nearly popped out of her head. She didn't know that places like this really existed.

"Well are you going to stand there and stare or are you going to come in?" Summer asked, her tone friendly and joking as she watched how Marissa was looking at her house.

She swung open the big double doors.

"Woah." Was all that Marissa could say.

"Come on." Summer said gesturing for Marissa to follow her up the stairs into her room. Summer closed the door behind her although nobody else was home. She took a seat on her bed. Marissa stood awkwardly in the middle of the room. "You can sit down." Summer said seriously looking up at her.

"Why did we come here?" Marissa asked gazing around the room, "not like it's a problem or anything!" She said quickly not wanting to sound rude.

"Well you obviously weren't gung hoe about the restaurant." Summer said watching Marissa begin to shift nervously. "Everyone knows that you have a problem Marissa."

"If everyone knows than why do you insist on bringing it up!" Marissa asked becoming angry.

"Because, like I said, nobody else is." Summer said seriously

"You don't know anything about this Summer."

"Like hell I don't! Look. Don't tell me what I know and what I don't know!"

Marissa was taken aback by the fact the Summer had just snapped at her like that.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that." Summer said bringing her voice back down.

"No, I shouldn't have snapped at you either." Marissa said dropping her head.

"It was sophomore year when I began to… I don't know, it was like I lost track of myself, what I wanted, who I was. My dad started going away a lot more… I got sad, more like depressed actually. I sat up in my room all day. Everything disgusted me, school, friends, life…" Summers voice began to quiver. "I didn't even realize that I was loosing the weight at first, it just kind of fell off, and then everything started to get better, but I had to hold onto one bit of pain, … food, or lack thereof for that matter." She said in an almost disbelieving tone.

"Wha- What made you stop?" Marissa stuttered

"I woke up one morning and looking in the mirror and hated what I saw. I hated the person I had become… I didn't know the person I had become…" Summer wiped her eye and then looked up to meet Marissas. "You ready to talk?"

Marissa shrugged.

"What's there to say?"

"I don't know, you tell me." Summer said winking

"Back home… or Chino, whatever, the main reason people lost a lot of weight how I did was like cocaine." Marissa said holding back tears. "I can't even tell you why it started or when even… I don't know…"

Summer just sat back and listened. Something in Marissa trusted the fact that Summer would be the last person to judge her about this.

"I love the feeling of it." Marissa confessed

"Of not eating?" Summer asked

"No, being empty. I like being empty." She said simply

Summer watched how she seemed to detached from the situation. It was kind of scary.

"You're not going to get better unless you want to." Summer said

"This is me. You have to understand, this is how I am." Marissa said staring at Summers light purple wall expressionless.

"I know it's hard coming here, big changes and all, but you have a chance to start over! You don't have to have this thing hanging over your head."

Marissa just continued to stare blankly.

"Fine." Summer said putting her hands up in the air. "But I'm not going to let this go. I don't want to see you in a casket."

Both girls sat on the bed thinking their own thoughts and contemplating the others, both soon fell asleep.

When Marissa woke up the sun was no longer shining, she stretched in the unfamiliar bed where Summer was still asleep. She stood up, and for the first time in what felt like so long glanced at herself in the mirror. Her face was pale and bony, every angle shot out, her body looked like it was about to give way.

She truly knew what it was like to look in the mirror and hate everything that you were, and grieve for everything that you never were, nor will ever be.

---- Ryan and Sandy sat in an awkward silence on the kitchen stools each reading a section of the newspaper. Ryans eyes kept on glancing back and forth from Sandy to the paper.

"Are you alright Ryan?" Sandy asked folding his section.

"I have to ask you a question." Ryan said looking anywhere but Sandy. "Well I more gotta tell ya something."

"Spit it out Ryan." Sandy said now becoming concerned

"I think that Marissa and I are in trouble." Ryan said his voice getting deep.

"What kind of trouble?" Sandy asked

---- Hours later when Marissa walked through the door Ryan and Sandy were involved in a deep serious conversation.

"What's going on?" Marissa asked

"Nothing!" Ryan said quickly.

Marissa just nodded and decided not to question the mens strange behavior.

"Jace is out with Seth and Kirsten." Sandy told Marissa.

"Alright." Marissa said nodding.

Things were still kind of awkward between she and Sandy, understandably. Marissa casually grabbed a bagel off of the counter and walked out to the pool house.

Sandy and Ryan looked at each other and then back at the girl who had just disappeared into the pool house.

"I don't think I've seen her eat since…" Ryan began, "never mind, I've never seen her eat…"

"I've never seen her touch food…" Sandy said.

Ryan stood up and walked out to the pool house and peeked through the window. Marissa sat on the center of the bed with the bagel in front of her. She was picking off the sesame seeds and crunching them between her teeth carefully, one at a time.

Ryan entered the pool house to find Marissa's eyes were clouded with unshed tears.

"Hey." Ryan said coming in sitting on the other side of the bed, the bagel now between them.

Marissa didn't say anything as her hands fumbled on top of the bagel…

"Are you alright?" Ryan asked. She didn't answer, she just continued to fumble with the food. Ryan then put his hand ontop of hers, squeezing it lightly. "It's going to be okay." He said assuringly.

Marissa tried not to look him in the eyes because she knew that the second she did the water works would begin.

Ryan looked at the girl in front of him… so fragile, so broken… She shouldn't have to worry about her family, Jace, this whole eating thing, and not to mention Rigo, Raul, and Luis. **That is why he was taking care of it…**

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** DUN DUN DUN.......**

** READ REVIEW AND REQUEST!**

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**xoxo Jules**


	12. Feel the touch of grief

I never fail to neglect a pretty good story. Sorry guys. Anyway I feel like I am back on this one at least pretty full force, and to make sure I update soon I left you all with a nice little cliffhanger. If any of you haven't checked out my newest OC story Bohemian Rhapsody you should do that. If you like this you will like love that. Lol, anyhow please R&R, I know it's been awhile!

xoxo Jules

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Chapter 11: "Feel the touch of grief" 

Rigo, Luis, and Raul sat outside of the Cohen house.

"Why do we gotta look out man? We should just get the job done get Marissa and go." Rigo said turning to Luis who was behind the wheel.

"We've got to wait until he's alone." Luis said

"Well who knows when that's gonna be!" Rigo argued back

Raul sat in the back seat in silence, he was the only one seemingly conflicted about the decision to take Ryan down. But it was his only way out…

--- Kirsten walked into the pool house that morning to find Marissa wrapped comfortably in Ryans arms. There was the bagel lying to their left, other than a couple of sesame seeds picked off the bagel was untouched, unconsumed.

Kirsten's head dropped sadly as she walked back to the main house. Sandy was sitting at the kitchen table reading the paper. Seth was nowhere to be found. Sandy and Kirsten hadn't really spoken much since the truth about Marissa was revealed.

Sandy watched from behind the paper as his wife took a seat, visibly shaken. He couldn't ignore her when she was like that.

"What's wrong?" Sandy asked "Is it Marissa?"

"Yeah." Kirsten said leaning back in the chair. "I'm just really not sure what to do with her."

Sandy, much to Kirsten's surprise put down the paper and looked at her intently.

"What happened?" Kirsten didn't respond as she looked away. "Do you really think that I'm that heartless? Yeah I am mad as hell about you having another child all of these years and not telling me, but Marissa needs help, and your still my wife which makes her my step-daughter, and I don't know how I can after this but I still love you!" Sandy said, words spilling from his mouth that he had never intended to.

"How? I lied to you for 18 years!" Kirsten said

"I guess I just do." Sandy now changed the subject. "Where are Jace and Seth?"

"At the arcade." Kirsten informed him.

Sandy nodded.

"What happened with Marissa?"

"It's nothing really." Kirsten said

"I'm trying to forgive you for lying the past 18 years Kirsten, I don't know how much more I can take." Sandy said in a firm voice.

"It's just that she needs help. She doesn't eat anything, and everything's been changing for her so fast, I'm just really worried about whats going to happen next. I don't want my daughter to starve to death before I get to know her…" Kirsten said, her eyes brimming with tears.

"I don't want that either."

"I just don't know what to do Sandy." Kirsten said sitting back in her seat. "I'm so lost with all of this."

"You call Jimmy, I'll see what I can do." Sandy said clearing his area as he stood up from the table

"Why am I calling Jimmy, and what do you mean see what you can do?" Kirsten asked confused and worried.

"You and Jimmy need to talk to Marissa, and I'm going to find her somewhere to go if that's what we decide to do." Sandy said putting his dishes in the sink.

"Do you really think that she needs to go somewhere?" Kirsten asked

"Yeah, … I do." Sandy said heading up the stairs.

Marissa walked in to the bathroom, she had just woken up. She splashed cold water on her face. She raised her head from the bowl of the sink slowly and jumped back when she saw her reflection. She traced the outline of her jaw with the tips of her fingers. She had dark circles under her eyes.

She quickly went to the make up bag that Kirsten had bought her, and worked furiously covering the circles under her eyes, and attempting to gain with blush whatever color she could in her cheeks.

She looked in the mirror again, it was better. Definitely better. She slipped on a pair of new designer jeans from the week before that already hung slightly from her waist. She searched the bathroom for her belt. She found it and pulled it tightly through the belt loops. She quickly slipped a light pink shirt over her head, Summer had said that she looked good in pink, Marissa could care less, and then slipped out of the pool house where Ryan was still asleep.

"Hey." Marissa said in a cheery voice as she entered the Cohen kitchen oblivious to the tension.

"Morning honey. Do you want breakfast or anything?" Kirsten asked Marissa hopefully

"No, thanks though. I usually don't eat anything this early in the morning." Marissa lied. "Do you know where Jace is?"

"He's with Seth at the arcade." Kirsten informed her "daughter".

Marissa nodded approvingly. Right then the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it." Marissa said standing up from the table.

"Are you sure?" Sandy offered

"Yeah, no problem."

Sandy and Kirsten looked to one another curious about the sudden drastic personality change in the girl.

"Hey!" Jimmy said as he walked in.

"Hi!" Marissa said back with an over dramatic smile.

"How are you doing Kiddo?" He asked her

"Alright." Marissa said nodding

"Good." Jimmy said smiling as Marissa shut the heavy door.

In the weeks since Marissa arrived in Newport she and Jimmy had become close. He filled the father role in her life, something that she never had. Kirsten on the other hand was different, Marissa's entire life she had another mother, and was not sure whether or not she was ready to replace her, even if she was no longer there.

"Jimmy!" Kirsten said standing up and straightening her skirt

"I'll give you three some time." Sandy said heading upstairs and gesturing for Ryan, who had just entered the house, to follow him.

"What's going on?" Marissa asked as she watched both of her parents sit down on the couches.

"Why don't you have a seat Marissa?"

She hesitated for a second before she finally sat down.

"Jimmy and I need to talk to you." Kirsten said softly

"About what?" Marissa asked holding her arms around herself protectively.

"Just what the next steps are going to be now that you're here." Kirsten said

"What do you mean 'steps'?" Marissa asked not quite trusting the situation

"I was thinking that we could see if we could work out and arrangement with your father and I, where you will be staying, going to school, all of that stuff." Kirsten explained

"I don't care, I guess you guys can decide that." Marissa said indifferently still waiting for a bombshell, she braced herself.

"And one more thing honey. We're not trying to come down on you or anything, but we are beginning to become concerned with your eating habits." Kirsten said honestly

"You don't have to worry about that." Marissa said

Kirsten looked to Jimmy for help.

"We're just trying to help you kiddo so everything will be okay by the time that the school year starts." Jimmy explained

"We've found some doctors in Newport and have researched some very temporary residential facilities that may be able to help you." Kirsten added

"Look, I appreciate it, but I really don't need any of this from any of you." Marissa said as she stood up and headed out the door

Kirsten stood up to follow her.

"Can I?" Jimmy asked

Kirsten nodded. Jimmy pushed open the door to the back yard and followed the trail down that led to the beach. There he found Marissa sitting perched on top of the wooden fence.

"Hey." Jimmy said

"Hey." Marissa said as tears silently streamed down her face.

"Marissa, we're not trying to tell you how to live your life, we just want you to get healthy." Jimmy said

"Why do you care?" Marissa asked

"I've always cared. In high school I was the only one excited for finals."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Marissa asked with a laugh

"Because those days I could get out of school early and go see you at the hospital. But I missed one day, my boss had scheduled me for a double shift and I couldn't get there during visiting hours. I came back the next day and they told me…" Jimmy's voice faded off as he relived the painful memories.

"I'm sorry." Marissa said, her eyes still cast towards the sea.

"You shouldn't be honey. I just don't want to see you get hurt. And I wish with all of my heart that I could have been there when you were growing up, but we're together now and I'm not going to let anything happen to you." Jimmy said kissing her forehead "So will you please think about seeing someone?"

Marissa pondered this for a second. Maybe he really did care.

"Yeah, sure, maybe." She said shortly

And then from behind them at the Cohen mansion gun shots rang out.


	13. You stand in disbelief

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Chapter 12: "You stand in disbelief"

"What was that?" Marissa asked, tears muffling her voice.

"I don't know." Jimmy said moving quickly back up the trail to the house with Marissa following close behind.

By the time that they arrived police cars were already swarming around the house. The sky seemed to suddenly turn black and rain began to pour from the sky.

Marissa's eyes darted around not able to focus on any one thing. Summer stood in the corner by the pool house holding Jace tightly, Jace crying into her shirt. Seth stood in the doorway of the pool house his jaw propped wide open. It was then she noticed Ryan lying beside the pool in a pool of his blood.

"Ryan!" Marissa yelled running to him getting to him just before the EMT's.

"No Marissa!" Sandy said pulling the fighting girl back. Marissa helplessly flailed her body in Sandys arms.

"Oh my god…" Kirsten whispered as tears streamed down her face she covered her mouth with her hands.

Marissa collapsed to the ground, her body wracked with sobs as she stared a a bloody and battered Ryan lying before her. Without a thought she stood and ran back down the trail just in time to see Raul and Rigo get knocked to the ground and handcuffed… but not in time to hear that they were still after someone else…

Falling to her knees on the beach she cried helplessly. The wet sand began to cake her body. She didn't hear the footsteps behind her until someone grabbed a fist full of her hair and yanked her head back.

"Fuck!" She screamed as she was pulled to her feet a thick hand covered her mouth as she was dragged from the beach.

If it were any other afternoon the beach would have been packed with people, but since the rain came in… Marissa was left defenseless against her attacker. She was led back to a small cove that was hidden at the far edge of the beach, and she was thrown to the ground.

She fought to get the sand from her eyes as she hit the ground. She cowered to the ground at first not daring to look at her abductor. Her vision began to blur and her head spun as she looked up for one last time to see Luis standing above her with a lop sided grin on his face.

Back at the house

"I'll follow the ambulance to the hospital." Sandy said running to get into his car.

"What about Marissa?" Seth asked as he approached his parents

"Jimmy and I will find her. Will you take Jace to Summer's house?" Kirsten asked her son

"But mom, I want to help look for Marissa."

"Seth, will you listen to me just this once? Please." Kirsten pleaded with her son.

"Alright. Be careful." Seth said kissing his mother on her cheek and giving his father a hug before leaving with Summer and Jace.

"I don't know what I'm going to do if anything happens to her Jimmy." Kirsten said as he pulled her into his arms.

"I don't either. She'll be fine." He said kissing her forehead.

The hospital.

"I'm Sanford Cohen, a boy was just shot at my house, Ryan Atwood, who can I ask about his condition?" Sandy asked more frantically than he had intended

"Are you immediate family?" The orderly asked

"No, he doesn't have one! He's been living with me for the past two weeks or so." Sandy said

The girl checked the charts and computers quickly.

"It says here he just went into surgery." She said with no expression

"Well does anyone know if he's going to make it or-"

"I'm sorry sir. I don't know that information as of now but if you wait I am sure that someone will be out to talk to you when the surgery is over." She said trying to calm his nerves.

"And how long will that be?" Sandy asked with both of his palms flat on the counter.

"I'm sorry, I'm not quite sure."

Hours passed and Sandy had not gotten any word on Ryan, and Marissa was still nowhere to be found. At first the cops had wanted to rule it as a runaway, but they later found marks in the sand of someones heels indicating that someone had been drug somewhere. And their prime suspect? Luis De los Santos.

Seth and Summer sat on Summer's bed after finally getting Jace to sleep. He was more that traumatized after having seen Ryan be shot…

Seth for the first time was silent. Contemplative.

"Are you okay." Summer asked taking his hand

"I don't know what my mom is going to do if Marissa isn't okay." Seth said his voice more serious that Summer had ever heard it be.

At this point Summer knew that there was nothing that she could do to make Seth feel better. All that she could do was to be there for him. But somehow that didn't seem to be enough.

Seth soon dozed off and Summer left him a note on the bed saying that she ran out quickly to get food for Jace in the morning.

It was hard to see as the rain pelted down on her windshield. She beeped as a car tried to cut her off. She stopped once she reached the Cohens. She ran quickly to the door fleeing the storm.

She quickly tried to get warm when she noticed Kirsten and Jimmy on the couch.

"Any word on Marissa?" Summer asked

"No, I thought that you were with Seth." Kirsten said

"I was, but I just thought I'd stop by."

"They're still looking." Jimmy said "They told us that they thought it would be better to stay here incase someone calls or something."

Summer nodded.

"Well I was going to stop by the store. Do you need anything?" She asked looking at the adults.

"No thanks, we're alright." Kirsten said

Summer nodded again as she turned on her heels to leave. Once outside Summer turned to drive, in the opposite direction of the grocery store… Her eyes caught a cove where she and her former best friend Holly used to take guys to make out. It was hidden for the most part. But Marissa couldn't be there, could she? The cops would have found her this close to the Cohen house right? But she didn't see anyone around. So she decided to check… quickly.

She slipped as she climbed down the rocks onto the beach, and sand beganto fill her shoes. She pushed past the trees and bushes and climbed down the rock to the cove. She couldn't see anything it was too dark. Any other person would have turned back, but she just had a feeling.

She let her hands feel along the rock as a guide. Nobody could get around here unless they knew it. Well not in this weather or during this time of day at least.

It was then that Summer heard a soft groaning.

"Marissa?" She called

Then she heard the noise again.

"Marissa!" She called again

Summer began to sob. Marissa was here, and she was alive, she just couldn't get to her. And then someone grabbed Summer's shoulder causing her to scream. She swung around to look at the face but she couldn't make it out in the dark.

"Summer, calm down it's me!" Jimmy said as he grabbed her hand

"Mr. Cooper? What are you doing?"

"Kirsten wanted coffee, we tried your cell but it was off. I followed you away from the house and tried to get your attention but when you didn't head to the store and I saw that you stopped… what are you doing here?"

"I think that Marissa's here somewhere." Summer said

"She's not Summer. The cops already checked here."

"Well they didn't check well enough because someone is over there!" Summer said gesturing to her left.

"Marissa?" Jimmy said straying away from Summer and feeling his way along the rocks when he hit something soft… cold… skin like. He knew immediately that it was his daughter. He scooped her body into his arms. "She's breathing, she's okay!"

The hope that night brings us, the dark that conceals the truth. If there had even been the slightest glimmer of light it would have revealed a broken girl, a beaten raped, cold, tormented lost girl who knew nothing but pain… Jimmy implied that all it takes is breath to be okay, but he was just about to find out how wrong he was…


	14. Can steal the earth from right beneath y...

Sorry I haven't updated in awhile. I am trying to get out of this hugfe writers block. It's kinda hard, can you tell? lol, anyway I think that this chapter turned out decent enough, and I am going to try to update Bohemian Rhapsody by monday for all who read that as well, if you don't check it out, it's pretty awesome. R&R

xoxo Jules

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Chapter 13: "Can steal the earth from right beneath you" 

The next morning there was a beautiful sunrise. The irony was sickening as two teens lie in bed trying to put the pieces of their shattered lives back together.

Jimmy and Kirsten both sat in the waiting room pale and tired looking. Neither of them had slept a wink that night. Sandy sat beside them. Concerned not only both for Marissa and Ryan, but his wife as well.

--- Summer woke up beside Jace. After they found Marissa that night after much coaxing Jimmy persuaded Summer to go home with Seth and Jace. She came home with no more tears left to cry and fell right to sleep.

"Hey." Summer said yawning and walking down the stairs to her kitchen where Seth was fussing with a bowl of cereal. "Any news?" She asked

"They haven't been allowed to see either of them yet. Ryan came out of surgery. The doctors say that he should make a full recovery. Something happened with the shot and the bullet ended up in his liver or something, I don't quite know." Seth said

"And Marissa?" Summer asked

"Well that's the part of the story that nobody has filled me in on yet."

--- Back at the hospital the doctor entered the waiting room.

"Mr. Cooper and Ms. Cohen? May I speak to you for a moment?" The doctor said

Kirsten looked over at Sandy who nodded before she followed Jimmy and the Doctor out of the waiting room to the hall.

"You can see your daughter now." The Doctor informed them

"Is she alright?" Jimmy asked

The doctor checked over his charts again.

"She got six stitches in her arm, and three in her foot, she also has a pretty nasty black eye. Last night as you know we completed the rape kit, and attempted to get the entire story from her. She was going in and out of consciousness. It seems that she was in a poor physical state before the incident last night and had fainted last night on the beach due to minor head trauma and exhaustion. That is why we waited until this morning for her to have visitors. We also, as you requested, have hooked her up to feeding tubes."

"Thank you." Kirsten said her voice an inaudible whisper. She wanted to go see Marissa, she really did, but she was afraid of what she would see when she opened the door.

Reassuring her Jimmy took light hold of Kirstens hand and led her into the room. Marissa lay in the middle of the bed with tubes coming from her forearms.

"She's going to be okay." Jimmy said as they approached the bed where Marissa was asleep.

"Oh my god." Kirsten said covering her mouth as she looked at her battered child. She silently collapsed in Jimmy's arms in tears.

"It's okay." He tried to once again reassure her.

The two were quickly broken from their embrace when they heard a soft moaning from the bed. Marissa's paper white lips slightly parted and then pursed themselves together again.

"Hey sweetie." Kirsten said going to her daughters bedside and kneeling at her level. She lightly took hold of Marissa hand. Unconsciously Marissa flinched.

"Do you need anything?" Jimmy asked from across the room where he was standing. He didn't want Marissa to feel as if though they were crowding her.

She shook her head no, her eyes still closed. Finally they fluttered open to reveal pools of misty blue.

"When can I go home?" Marissa asked

"Soon I hope." Kirsten said "As soon as you get fixed up."

Neither adult was sure how to comfort the girl. Usually parents got the hang of it after the first time that their child fell off of their bike, or when they broke their arm roller skating, but with Marissa it was all new.

"Ryan?" She asked "'s he okay?"

"He's going to be fine." Jimmy said

Kirsten hesitated before she spoke.

"It's important that you talk to the police Marissa." Kirsten said

Marissa kept her eyes fixed on the ceiling and said nothing.

--- Sandy entered Ryan's hospital room.

"Hey." Sandy said pulling up a chair beside the bed. "How are you holding up?"

"Alright." Ryan said

"Good." Sandy said with an enthusiastic smile

"How's Marissa?" He asked

"She's going to be fine."

"Did they find Luis yet?" Ryan asked his attempting to mask his worry

"No yet. But the cops have some good leads so it shouldn't be much longer." Sandy told him.

Ryan nodded

"You know Ryan, you're welcome to stay as long as you like." Sandy said "Our door is always open."

"I couldn't do that Mr. Cohen." Ryan said

"I told you already, call me Sandy."

"It's just that I wouldn't want to intrude."

"Hey, I offered. You're Marissa's friend, and you've been the best guy friend that Seth's ever had. The house is big enough for us all. Me, Kirsten, you, Seth, Marissa, Jace." Sandy said

Ryan gave a weak half smile.

"I'll think about it, thanks Sandy."

--- Jace jumped up and down

"Is she here yet, is she here yet, is she here yet?!" He asked as her bounced around the kitchen

"Jesus Summer how many cupcakes did you give that boy?" Seth asked grabbing the child up by one arm and tossing him onto the couch.

"Look at that face!" She said pulling on the young boys cheeks, "how can you say no to that face? He's almost as cute as me!"

"They're here!" Jace said jumping off of the couch and running to the door to greet Sandy, Kirsten, Jimmy, Ryan, and Marissa.

"We're home!" Sandy yelled sitting down Ryan and Marissa's bags.

"Marissa!" Jace yelled jumping up into his sisters arms.

"Hey Jacie!" She said giving him a tight hug and a kiss. "Were you good for Seth and Summer?"

"Yeah!" Jace said climbing down from Marissa's arms. His dark brown curls were getting lighter because of the sun, and his skin was getting even darker.

"Did someone give him a lot of sugar or something?" Marissa asked

"'course not." Summer said looking away.

Marissa raised her eyebrow at her friend skeptically.

Sandy walked across the kitchen and poured three glasses of champagne and tossed the kids juice boxes from the refrigerator.

"May I propose a toast to our new and very extended family!"


	15. And falling in so far

**Alright, a short explaination, Remember how I was saying that I may get kicked out of school, well it happened. Life has been so hectic but I promise to update what I can, when I can. Thanks for bearing with me!**

** xoxo Jule**

**Please read and review**

** Coverses, where are you? New sn? haha, I miss you. Mine is still the same, I miss you. Hope to talk to you soon!**

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Chapter 14: "And falling in so far"**

Marissa laid in the guest room that night. Kirsten insisted that she do so incase anything were to happen during the night, especially after everything with the shooting, and Luis still not having been caught.

Marissa lay in the guest room unable to sleep. When she closed her eyes she would see flashes of Luis, the things he did to her, Ryan's body lying by the pool…

"Are you alright honey?" Kirsten asked as she entered her daughters room. She looked over at the young girl sunken into the pillows surrounding her.

"Yeah, I'm alright thanks." Marissa said, her throat dry.

"Well I brought you some tea." Kirsten said sitting the warm mug beside her bed. Hesitantly Kirsten took a seat beside her daughter on the bed… "You have a doctors appointment, just to sit down and talk with someone. We have to figure out a way to make all of this work." Kirsten explained.

"I don't think that I need to see someone." Marissa said rather unconvincingly

"I know honey," Kirsten said attempting to be fair, "but just for the mean time while we are getting everything settled it couldn't hurt could it?" Her voice was soft and even.

"I guess."

Marissa's eyes drifted towards the window.

"We're going to make this room our project." Kirsten said looking around at the guest room. "We can paint it whatever color you like, and get all new furniture."

"No, it is okay really, I like it like this." Marissa said not wanting her new mother to go to any trouble.

"Oh nonsense it will be fun." Kirsten said with a warm smile. "Tomorrow I hear that Sandy and Seth are planning on taking out Jace and getting things for him to set up his room too. All that Jace has been talking about is blue paint and a surf cboard bed."

Marissa chuckled softy.

"He does not need a surf board bed."

They sat in silence a couple of minutes longer.

"Why are you doing all of this?" Marissa asked, her voice small.

"You're my daughter Marissa, all that I have ever wanted was to have you back, and now that you are here… I don't know, it feels like everything is how it is meant to be." Kirsten said honestly.

"This is all so surreal…" Marissa said honestly. "When I was little I always dreamt about being…" She paused and thought for a moment, "I don't know, comfortable…"

"Well we are here for you. And Ryan, and Jace."

"Do you mind if I ask you a question?" Marissa asked

"No, go on honey."

"After I was born, you and Jimmy… you just, broke up?"

Kirsten was surprised by the question, and then again there would always be a lot unanswered.

"We just drifted apart, my friends and my father were pulling me in one direction… I was in this constant conflict, but your father loved you. He was at your bedside everyday."

"I wish I could remember." Marissa said her voice fading off

"It's alright, we'll make new memories."

"Do you know how Ryan is?"

"He is doing alright tonight. Right now he is asleep at the hospital. Soon enough the pool house will be ready for him."

"Kirsten, you don't have to do that for me…"

Every time that Kirsten heard her daughter call her by her first name it tugged her heart. She wanted so bad to be mom…

"Are you kidding me? Do you know how good he has been for Seth? He is also recovering for being shot. In this house we have always had open doors, and while three new people will be a change it's nothing we're not willing to take on."

Marissa woke up late the next day. For the first time since she got to Newport she didn't hear people bustling around the kitchen. She grabbed her crutch, the stitches still in her foot, and hobbled down the stairs. A clock on the way read 1 o'clock pm.

She was surprised when she entered the kitchen to see Seth sitting there at the island reading a comic of some sort, or maybe it was a "graphic novel".

"Morning sleepy." Seth said to his not much older sister. "How's the foot doing?"

"Better." Marissa said hoisting herself up on a chair. "Where is everyone?"

"My father and Jace, Home Depot, and my mother went to the hospital to check up on Ryan." Seth said. "Your dad is going to be here soon. Isn't that totally like ill, he's your dad but not mine, we could totally qualify for a TV show now, and not even one of those like "video tape this family" ones, but like an hour long TV show that everyone sits down to watch, or TIVOS every week to see our twisted demented lives, where the writers try to find as many ways as they can for characters to be related to each other." Seth said

Marissa raised her eye at his… rambling.

"Sometimes I'm a little much for people right when they wake up." Seth said turning back to his comic.

Luckily before Seth broke into another rant Jimmy walked in.

"Hey kiddo, hey Seth." He said kissing Marissa lightly on the top of her head.

"Hey." Marissa said

"What are you kids up to?" Jimmy asked

"Oh nothing, just hangin' out. Havin a little conversation." Seth said "But I am going to leave the two of you alone now." Seth said whistling as he retreated up the stairs.

"So how are you feeling, should you be out of bed?" Jimmy asked taking a seat across from Marissa.

"Yeah, I should be fine." Marissa said

"So how are you liking it here?" Jimmy asked his daughter.

Marissa shifted in her chair before she responded.

"It's different. This is the most beautiful house I have ever seen."

"Well I know that my house isn't quite as nice but I want to let you know that you always have a room there too if you ever feel like making an entrance." Jimmy said winking

Marissa blushed as she looked down, right then the door flew open again. Sandy balanced Jace who was sleeping on his shoulder. He toted bags on each arm.

"Remind me to never shop alone with a six year old again." Sandy said dropping the bags to the ground

"He looks wiped." Marissa said

"He's not the only one." Jimmy said lifting Jace from Sandy's shoulder to relieve him.

"Jace is a really awesome kid Marissa." Sandy said. "I know that there is only about a month of summer left but today I signed him up for sailing camp, and scuba diving camp. He has a lot of evergy and just needs somewhere to… direct it all."

"Yeah, I know what you mean." Marissa said

She smiled as she noticed Jace was finally wearing shoes and a new pair of orange board shorts with a matching top.

"Dad, we're out of milk!" Seth whined as he entered the kitchen

Sandy glanced at Marissa.

"I have no idea where I went wrong with Seth, but whatever it was I am going to get it right with Jace or so help me god."

Marissa looked at just this small part of her new family and she smiled. Maybe this wasn't going to be so bad.

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**More soon. Read, review, and request**


	16. They know just where you are

**COLLEGE APPS! LIFE! SENIOR YEAR! Basically my excuses. But right now I am going through my stories chapter by chapter determined to work on each and every one... or most. lol. It feels good to be back and writing again. So with that being said read on and please review. I want to see who I still have, I know it's been awhile.**

**xoxo Jules**

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**Chapter 15: They know just where you are**

Marissa woke up to the sound of the breeze coming off of the ocean and creeping through the cracks in her bedroom window. It had been two weeks since she had been released from the hospital and three days since Ryan returned home. He was supposed to stay in bed for at least a couple of days more to make sure that he didn't tear any stitches.

She crept down the stairs supporting herself without the crutch. It was a beautiful morning, 6am and the sun was just rising. When she entered the kitchen there was nobody around. She opened the refrigerator and studied it's contents looking for something that in her mind was remotely edible… nothing.

She and Kirsten and Jimmy were supposed to go out to lunch that day and she was already deciding what she would nibble on and what she would avoid at all costs.

Struggling Marissa made her way back up to her room and went to get ready. Deciding that a hot bath would help her relax she sunk back into the tub and turned on the jets. Back in Chino it was hop in the shower in and out, not that anyone would want to be in there any longer seeing how it was filthy.

When she got out she fingered through the new clothes in her closet made by designers that she had never heard of. She picked out a pair of Diesel jeans and a shirt by somebody whose name she couldn't even pronounce.

Before lunch she and Kirsten were supposed to be heading out to find a dress for Marissa for some charity auction coming up. It would be Marissa's first time being exposed to Newport's social scene. She overheard Sandy and Kirsten talking about how the rumors had already began. People were talking. But what did it matter, people in Newport always talk.

Glancing out of the window Marissa saw a light flick on in the pool house. Was Ryan out of bed? Was he supposed to be?

Marissa went down the stairs once again with the assistance of crutch which she hoped to be off by the auction. She gently knocked on the outside of the door before she pulled it open.

"Ryan?" She called

"Yeah?" His voice came from behind her causing her to jump.

"Oh my god." Marissa said grasping her chest.

"I didn't mean to scare you." Ryan said chuckling to himself

"Should you be out of bed?" Marissa attempted to regain her composure.

"I feel fine, I've been through worse."

"Have you?" Marissa asked with a smirk and a twinkle in her eye

"Yeah, I recall getting my arm grazed by a bullet and a certain girl dousing my injury in rubbing alcohol." Ryan said winking at her

"Oh please punta, that in no way compared to getting shot in the liver or kindey or whatever it was." Marissa said rolling her eyes. She turned as she heard voices coming from outside of the pool house.

"Ow Cohen, no, I have" Summer giggled "I have to go home now!"

Marissa raised an eyebrow and headed outside followed by Ryan.

"Morning." Marissa said looking at her "brother" and his girlfriends hardcore make out session.

"Morning." Seth said letting go of Summer.

"I hear you have a lunch date with the parentals." Summer said looking at Marissa.

"Yup." She said shoving her hands into the deepest crevices of her pockets.

"Tough break, I gotta go but Marissa I love those jeans." Summer said as she headed to her BMW and sped away.

Ryan, Seth, and Marissa exchanged looks. Right then from somewhere Kirsten appeared with a cup of coffee in hand.

"Hey guys, I'm surprised to see that you are up, especially you Seth." She said smiling lips just touching the brim of her cup.

"Well yanno you don't get to be this good looking by sleeping in." Seth said admiring his tussled hair and pajamas in the reflection of the pool.

Kirsten rolled her eyes at her son and then turned to Ryan and Marissa.

"How did you guys sleep?" She asked

"Alright thanks." Ryan said

"Yeah, me too." Marissa agreed not telling anyone about the nightmares that had been haunting her ever since the shooting.

"Well since you are up and dressed how about we head out to pick out a dress huh?" Kirsten suggested to her daughter.

"Um, yeah sure." Marissa said

"Do you want to grab some breakfast before?" Kirsten asked hopeful that she would take her up on her offer.

"No thanks, I woke up at like six and ate then, I'm going to save room for lunch." Marissa said evenly looking Kirsten directly in the eye as she spoke.

Marissa and Kirsten headed into yet another trendy shop looking for a dress. She saw some women that she recognized huddled at the racks to make sure to get their daughters the most expensive/attractive dress.

"What about this one?" Kirsten said holding up a red silk dress in front of Marissa.

"It's gorgeous." Marissa said lightly fingering the material.

"Carly Jenkins already got that for Hillary."

A voice whispered over Kirsten's shoulder.

"Marcie!" Kirsten said turning around to meet a walking boob-job. "Hi how are you?" She plastered on a fake cheesy smile.

"I am amazing, how sweet of you to ask!" When Marcie smiled her teeth were so bright that they could blind you. "Who is this lovely lady that you are shopping for?" Margo asked turning to Marissa who had her hands stuffed in her pockets and was biting her lower lip.

"This is Marissa, my daughter." Kirsten said

"I had no idea that you had a daughter!" Marcie said with her mouth agape and a smile playing on her lips being the first to have heard it from Kirsten herself.

"Well you learn something new everyday don't you?" Kirsten said with a smile.

Marissa smiled as she leaned on her crutch. The bottom of her foot was beginning to hurt.

"So how come we haven't been graced with this young lady's presence until now?" Marcie asked looking Marissa up and down.

"She was away at boarding school in Prague." Kirsten said simply leaving it at that.

Marissa kept her fake smile plastered on. Even when she realized that she knew nothing about Prague.

"Oh how lovely." Marcie said turning towards Marissa who in return smiled politely. "Well dear it was a pleasure meeting you, and I hope to see you around."

Marissa wondered if Marcie was trying to make herself look that fake or it was a horrible run in with botox.

"Nice to meet you." Marissa said in an even voice.

"Goodbye Marcie." Kirsten said waving with the tips of her fingers.

She let out a sigh as the woman walked away. Marissa smirked.

"You'll be going to school with a bunch of mini Marcies." Kirsten explained

"Joy." Marissa said biting her lip.

"I have set up a tutor for you to come to the house a couple of days a week over the summer just to get you ready for Harbor." Kirsten said as she began once again to sift through the racks.

"Isn't that like Newports elite private school?" Marissa asked never imagining that she would attend a school like that.

"It's been said." Kirsten responded. "I know it's nothing like what you were used to but I really think that you could benefit from the environment. You and Ryan both."

Marissa squinted her eyes at Kirsten with a smile but said nothing.

"Shoot!" Kirsten said as her watch beeped.

"We're late to lunch with Jimmy. We'll finish shopping after we eat how does that sound?" Kirsten asked

Marissa shrugged in no hurry to get to lunch.

"Alright, it sounds good to me." Marissa shoved her hands in her pockets again and her bony elbows protruded from her skin.

"Well then let's get this show on the road." Kirsten said with a smile.

Marissa chewed on her lip as she followed Kirsten out of the boutique.

* * *

**Next chapter Summer Seth cuteness, Sandy and Ryan bonding, and the lunch.**

**Read, review, and request por favor**

**xoxo Jules**


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